Wednesday, March 25, 2020

I'm not meant for self-isolation, but we all need to do it

I'm meant to roam free!  I am meant to be able to wander around Target aimlessly if I so choose. I am meant to be able to grocery shop without worrying that I won't be able to buy toilet paper.

But these are strange times, my friends. 

I am sure that everyone is aware of the current state of affairs.  Hide yo kids, Hide yo wife, Coronavirus!!




I am taking this virus seriously, and I am doing my best to abide by the Governor's shelter in place order to only leave home for essential needs.  But we all need a laugh, especially now that we are trapped in our homes. So please don't take my attempt at humor as a lack of respect for the severity of our collective situation. 



*Ahem* Ok, so..... people are losing their damn minds. They are stockpiling toilet paper and paper towels and baby wipes. They are buying grocery stores out of soups, rice and pastas.  It's silly.  What are you going to do with all that toilet paper?  Are you eating mac n cheese for the next year? WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING??



The grocery stores are not closing. There hasn't been any talk that I am aware of that they are planning to close the grocery stores going forward.... so why are you worried you can't get more of those things you are hoarding later?  I'm really curious to know.  PLEASE enlighten me as to your reasons for panic hoarding things that other people need to have access to as well.... I'll wait. Oh, you have no reason, you are just silly sheeple?  I knew it.  STOP IT.




On March 19th the CA Governor issued a Shelter in Place Order to try and "flatten the curve" of the Coronavirus.  Here is a quote directly from the California Coronavirus (Covid 19) Response website  "The California State Public Health Officer and Director of the California Department of Public Health is ordering all individuals living in the State of California to stay home or at their place of residence, except as needed to maintain continuity of operation of the federal critical infrastructure sectors."

Luckily, the current shelter in place order still allows for us to leave our homes when necessary in order to meet certain essential needs, like the aforementioned groceries, medications and doctors appointments.  But let's talk for a moment about "essential" needs, shall we?

YOUR VENTI SALTED CARAMEL MOCHA FRAPPUCINO IS NOT ESSENTIAL.



Your SuperSONIC Bacon Double Cheeseburger is not essential.

Your fucking "TO GO" alcoholic beverage (which CA just inexplicably allowed when its been illegal, like, FOREVER), is sure as shit NOT ESSENTIAL.


Fight me. 

Taking your kids to a public park with a bunch of other people around is not essential!  It's reckless.

Going to the beach surround by hundreds of other people is not essential!!



Now I know what you are going to say.  "But Becky, McDonalds is open! So if they are open I should go there!" No.  McDonalds is open because they make food and that makes them an "essential business". Ok fine.  Truckers should have access to easily accessible and fast food while they are on the road, delivering all the important things, like more toilet paper, to the grocery stores.  I'll give them that.  But that doesn't mean that Tammy needs to load her 4 kids into the mini van and drive there to get chicken nugget kids meals instead of making PB&J sandwiches at home.  Shelter in place, means shelter in place, Tammy!  Just because a place is open doesn't mean you need to go visit and spread your germs all over it. And vice-versa, do you really want whatever germs the drive through worker has on his/her hands getting on your bag of food and then getting on your kids?  Just because a business is still open doesn't mean that you are, like, required to visit it.

Just go back to what you were all doing before


No one (ok, some people, but definitely not enough of them) is taking this seriously. And things will just keep escalating and getting worse until they do.  Can you just keep your ass at home and make some of that mac n cheese that you hoarded instead of finding any stupid "essential" reason that you can to leave the house and potentially get infected?  But that will never happen to you, right?  Cause it's not that big a deal, you wash your hands and you wear a mask and even if you did catch the rona it's not that serious and you would probably be fine. Right?  God, I hate you.  It's not about you!  It's about the people that it is a big deal for. 

If some careless douche manages to get the coronavirus and then passes it on to my mom, who could very likely die because of her existing lung issues......  I will for real hunt you down and kill you with your own stupid stockpiled inventory of Charmin Mega Rolls. I don't even know what the logistics of that would look like, but I will figure it out.



I get it. I do.  It's super inconvenient.  Its no fun at all.  For those who don't work for essential businesses and are losing wages while sitting at home, I GET IT.  But it's a serious situation folks and they way that we  get through it and to the other side is to sit tight, follow the orders that have been given and be safe. Acting like entitled brats because we don't want to stay home and give up our every day conveniences is not going to solve this problem.  And to be quite frank, it's not a good look, darling.



I think I have made my point pretty clear. Go to work if you have to. Go to the grocery store as little as possible to get the things you need and stay your ass home, because you have been ordered to do so!!













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