Friday, September 5, 2014

Either I have the bladder of a 90 year old.... or I am pregnant

I spent the better part of my life proclaiming from the rooftops that I was never, EVER, going to have children.  And I totally meant it. I didn't have a single maternal bone in my body.  I never saw cute babies and thought to myself "*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*, I have to have one of those!" And that is not a knock to any of you lovely mommies out there, I was never thinking that you made the wrong choice, it was just that the universal expectation that since I have a functioning reproductive system I should therefore use it, just did not appeal to me. At all.

And then I found myself knocked up! And I really could not be happier about it.

It all started with a romantic trip to lovely Mendocino CA for our anniversary.  There was a cute cabin made from a converted water tower, there was rain, there were adorable llamas...... no really, it was a llama farm and our room was a converted water tower.

 Baby Llama! Awwwwwwww

 Our swanky digs for the weekend

Playing at the beach

Aaaaaand, fade to black.......

Ironically, I found this to be the most entertaining work of art that we saw at the botanical garden we visited......

Fast forward 7 weeks.  I was feeling barfy and exhausted alllllll the time.  I had to pee every 5 minutes and if the wind blew my boobs hurt.  Yet all of those things did not tip me off to being pregnant. Yeah, I missed 2 days of the pill while we were out of town because my prescription ran out and I didn't fill it until we got home, but seriously I have taken that shizz like clockwork since I was 18. I figured that I had more than enough stored up in my system to last me a lifetime, or at least buy me a day or two. But I wasn't worried because according to my handsome man, he was probably sterile from the Chemo and radiation that he underwent for cancer treatment. Doctors told him he was probably going to be sterile. They even arranged to have some of his swimmers put on ice in a lab somewhere prior to treatment in the event that one day he would like to populate the earth with his spawn.

Good news- I am very fertile and his little swimmers are just fine, thankyouverymuch.

I purchased a pregnancy test from the dollar store. My thinking was that I didn't want to waste $15 dollars on a test that was just going to come back negative. (p.s. I'm cheap).   In my mind there had to be some other explanation.  What that other explanation was, I didn't know. But there had to be one. 
I took the test and within seconds it had both lines and was basically screaming at me that I was pregnant.

I was shocked! I was scared! And I was so happy I sat there in the bathroom and cried. It occurred to me that I should not rely on a dollar store version of a very important test and so I decided not to say anything to Rhys and to get a real (i.e. expensive) test the next day.

On my lunch break the following day I went to the drugstore, spent $20 on a 3 pack of the fancy digital tests and headed home.  With Muttley keeping me company, I used all three tests and sat and waited. All three came up "pregnant". Again, I sat on the bathroom floor and cried (happy tears) while Muttley looked at me like I was crazy.  To his credit, I was probably acting like a lunatic. 

I wasn't sure how I was going to tell Rhys.  I wasn't sure how he was going to take it when I did figure out how to tell him.  I thought fleetingly of just throwing the test(s) at him and running out of the room to hide. 

What I did instead was blurt out "I'm pregnant!" in the middle of an otherwise ordinary, completely unrelated conversation.

He was silent for a moment, and then broke into the biggest smile I have ever seen.  "Really?!" he asked me.  He then proceeded to wrap me in a huge hug and proclaim how happy he was. 

Now I wasn't necessarily expecting him to be mad, or upset, but honestly the timing of this little adventure was not ideal. So I was worried he would be disappointed. I was wholly unprepared for his excitement and joy.  I was so relieved and.... happy! So very happy. 

And so we prepared for the biggest adventure of our lives........