I have been wondering lately if I should keep trying to make an effort. It's been a year. I keep trying and all I manage to get in return is excluded from things that I would have normally been included in because..... well I don't know. Because certain people can't act like mature adults? Because we can't just all get along? What I have found myself doing instead is watching, as an outsider, the fun group things that my friends are doing and wondering why I have been singled out as the only person not invited to join in. I know the answer. But it's stupid. I was willing to let some time pass, and graciously bow out into the background..... for awhile. I am tired of being the disgraced black sheep of the group.
I remember a time, not all that long ago, when if one of us was having a get together and we knew that certain attendees might not get along, we said "Fuck it. They will have to deal with it because they are both my friends". I guess that mentality doesn't apply to me.
I shouldn't care, but my feelings are hurt. I don't feel like I should keep bothering. I suppose the best course of action is just to continue fading into the background. It's not as if I have a shortage of friends. I am not sitting at home, crying myself to sleep because no one wants to hang out with me; but I miss those friends. Two of them in particular, and specifically the option of hanging out with both of them at the same time.
I'm not sure what to do :(