Wednesday, November 28, 2012

"Mom, I'm trying to get laid!"

Some people have really sweet tales of how they met their significant other.

They might have met each other at Starbucks over a mutual love of ridiculous caffeinated beverages.

" I'd like a grande, hot, decaf, triple five-pump vanilla, non-fat, no foam, whipped cream, extra hot, extra carmel, upside down carmel machiatto"

Or maybe they met while walking their dogs in the park.

"Oops! I am REALLY sorry that my dog just peed on you. Let me buy you a ridiculous caffeinated beverage at one of the 10 Starbucks within walking distance"

Very rarely though do these romantic stories of how you met start with meeting at a bar, followed by midnight skinny dipping. Well, at least the ones that end well don't start that way.  And by end well I mean not including a walk of shame and a STD test. 

I am only speculating on what an STD test or a walk of shame would be like, since I have never had either. Really. No, I mean it, really.

However, every so often, something that you think will never turn out to be worthwhile (or particularly smart) can surprise you. Pleasantly.

A couple of months ago a friend of mine was planning a night out of dinner and drinks for her going away party. I knew everyone that was there with the exception of one guy who had come along with another friend. He seemed very nice, although a bit quiet. 

As the night progressed we drank a lot. I mean, it was a going away party, it's a celebration, bitches! At some point we decided to head to the gay bar. Why? Not really sure, since none of us are gay, but whatev.

Oh how I love the gay bar. I love that none of the guys are hitting on me, I love the awful Brittany Spears and Lady Gaga music. I just love it. I especially loved the many shots that we had there. There was dancing and more dancing, and even more dancing that took place on top of the pool table! That was the boys, btw, Tanya and I are much too reserved and classy for that. After all that dancing we were hot and sweaty, it was soooooooo humid outside. By the time that we decided to leave I was on the hunt for a swimming pool.  I said out loud how much I would love to go swimming and Rhys (the fairly quiet new guy) proclaimed that he has a pool and that we could go swimming.

Well duh! It was the best idea I had ever heard. Of course I should go to some guys house, whom I had never met before, in the middle of the night to go swimming. And so we did.

 Oh man, and then all the nakedness happened. That is how skinny dipping happens I guess, one person starts taking their clothes off and then next thing you know, you are too. It's almost an involuntary reaction that you can't help. Tanya, being the only responsible voice of reason, managed to stay dressed and just sat back and watched the craziness unfold.

All was fun and games until I looked up towards the sliding glass door and noticed a woman standing there. The woman then scolded us, saying that if we were not quiet, we would wake the neighbors.  I had a couple drinks in me and it was close to 3am so not all my synapses were firing away, but even in my fuzzy state I was aware that something was..... strange. At about that moment, Rhys lifted me, naked as naked can be, out of the pool and basically shouted "Mom! I am trying to get laid!".

 Mom??  That was his mom??  Oh sweet Jesus.

Needless to say, my clothes found their way back onto my body in record speed. While I was searching for my bra, I vaguely recall Rhys saying something about going back to his house. To which I replied that I thought we were at his house. No, not correct. He had taken us back to his  mothers house. To go skinny dipping. In the middle of the night. Apparently everyone knew that we were at his mothers house except for me.

Thanks for the heads up, guys!!  I will remember this the next time you get drunk and start getting naked at a strangers house with the potential to possibly get caught by their parents!

In the wee hours, while intoxicated, one might be tempted to reflect on one's current situation. Don't do that. I did that. I was suddenly thinking to myself "I am tired, and soggy, and not looking like Miss America with all this mascara running down my face. I am also fairly embarrassed. This boy's mom probably hates me. She shouldn't, I am a nice girl. Ugh..... so naked. I need to go home".  And so I did.

Even after all the booze and nakedness, I still managed to end up at home, alone, face washed, pajamas on and snuggled up in my own bed. Thankfully. Walks of shame and STD screenings averted. Success!

Imagine my surprise when Rhys texted me to make sure I had arrived home safetly. Sweet right? I mean, I thought he was just trying to get laid. The whole neighborhood heard him! Instead of getting laid, he got ditched. However, he still wanted to check on me. Nice guy. And then I passed out.

Only to wake up to this lovely head of midnight swim hair:


Over the next couple days Rhys and I texted back and forth and decided to go on a date. Like a real date, not a drunken bar crawl.  So we did. And it was good!

And the rest, as they say, is history. Cue lovely music and release the doves!

Seriously though, it's so funny to me how I met someone great, in the least likely of scenarios, and never really expected it to be.... anything.  I suppose what they say is true, you meet someone when you aren't looking, when you least expect it. It's effortless and comfortable and exciting and all is right with the world. 

I have since re-met, or officially met I should say, his mother; whom I apologized to profusely. She just laughed. I don't think she hates me. At least I hope not. First impressions, geeeez. 

Now, whenever someone asks me "So how did you guys meet", I giggle to myself and depending on who I am telling the story to, edit for content accordingly. 

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