Thursday, September 27, 2012

Haters gonna hate

I am going to preface this post by saying that I am not a soulless, insensitive asshole. At least not all the time (only the days that I get out of bed on the left side... oh wait, that is every day). However, I am certain that my opinion on the following topic is not going to win me any fans. Proceed at your own risk.

A while back I ventured into the tumblr universe. I did this because my thought process went something like this:

"I like funny gifs"
"I has blog"
"I wonder where other funny blogs live?"
"I have friends with tumblr blogs"
"Maybe I should check out the tumblr"

And I did. And it was good. Sorta, aside from the overwhelming amount of posts dedicated to Harry Potter. I even hypothesized that tumblr is run by a giant Harry Potter powered engine.  

Lately I have noticed a disturbing trend on tumblr. Every sad, weepy, hormonal tween in the world is posting about how awful their lives are and as a result they have to have an eating disorder, cut themselves, or worse yet, contemplate suicide.


I am blaming this on Demi Lovato.

Why am I blaming Demi Lovato? Well that is easy, it's because I find her to be a whiny, pity party fueled, trainwreck.

To listen to her talk on any of her recent talk show appearances you would expect her to have the WORST life ever. She must have parents who hate her, no friends, weigh a thousand pounds and be a hideous troll with 3 eyeballs and a peg leg. That would be a justifiable reason to hate yourself enough to cut and have an eating disorder and contemplate suicide.

 I bet she looks like this and strangers throw eggs at her!

What? What do you mean that she is gorgeous and talented and thin? She has a great family? This can't be right......

What the fuck?!  I want to punch this girl in the face. It must really suck being so beautiful and wealthy and talented and surrounded by people who love you. I would probably want to kill myself too. It's a rough life for Demi. 

So now all these young impressionable people who idolize Demi Lovato are sitting around and thinking to themselves "Well if she is so perfect and she still thinks that offing herself would make the world a better place, what the hell am I still doing breathing air?! I better go post all over the internet what a disappointing waste of flesh I am".

And then those sad, social rejects post this sort of drivel alllllllll over tumblr:

Oh jeeeeeeeeeez, just knock it off already. It has been my experience in life that people who cry big soggy tears about how depressed and suicidal they are, are really only trying to get attention. These people are drama queens. When you put your sad bastard insecurities on display on the internet you are TRYING to get people to pay attention to you. I should know, I post a whole lot of my dirty laundry and insecurities on my blog and I am the biggest attention whore of them all. Look at me!!

I am not judging.

Ok, yes I am. Oopsie.

But my point in this; If you are TRULY depressed and harming yourself or thinking that suicide sounds like a fun thing GET HELP!!!!  Posting about it to strangers on the internet is not going to fix you.  The only thing that will probably fix you is a Hello Kitty band aid, a hamburger and some Prozac. Call a therapist. I have a great one that I highly recommend.

Now, if you are not truly, clinically messed up.... please just stop it already. People will like you more if you talk about rainbows and sunshine and peanut butter cookies and less about how worthless you think you are in an attempt to fish for compliments and reassurance that you are super fantastic. It gets really tiresome when you constantly have to be someone's ego bump.

On a serious note- I do not take suicide, depression, eating disorders or self mutilation lightly. I am just saying that I am pretty sure that 90% of the people who are waxing poetic about it on tumblr, to the tune of 87 gifs of crying eyes a day, are probably not going hungry, cutting themselves except maybe while shaving, or thinking about tying a rope around their neck. They just need a hug or something... and some vitamin D.

The moral of this story is- Sometimes life sucks. But let's not be ridiculous and overly dramatic, okay? Okay. Unless of course you are going to use funny pictures to illustrate your sorrows, therefor making them less serious and finding the humor in even your shittiest life experiences.  It evens out that way. Wait, don't do that.... that's my thing ;)

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