Monday, July 30, 2012

Oh you silly, silly boy

When did guys become needy, whiny, emotional basket cases?  Isn't that something that women have the market on? Not me personally, (at least not 3 out of 4 weeks of the month) but I know some seriously looney tunes chicks. I love them, some are my friends, but they are Cray-zay.

It seems lately that I have dealt with more than one man having some sort of emotional inner turmoil that is forcing him to act like a complete vagina. I want to say to these men "Are you bleeding right now? Take a midol and calm the fuck down".

There is this one guy in particular who has developed a little bit of a crush (and by crush I mean obsession) on one of my best friends. I don't blame him, she is gorgeous and funny and smart and has her shit together. That's why I keep her around. Dude has seriously started acting a fool though.

First of all he is married. Yep, as in has a wife. I don't imagine that his wife would like that he is making an ass of himself by throwing himself at my friend. He says they are getting a divorce.... but you know. Guys say a lot of stuff. If you aren't actually divorced yet and still living together, it doesn't count.

Secondly, even if he weren't married, my friend is just not into him. Which she tried to make clear on more than one occasion. He won't give up, it's as if he is blinded by her glow.  My friend and I have had quite a few laughs at his expense. Is it mean? A little, but he makes it so easy.

Last weekend, however, I was not laughing at his most recent antics.Cringing was more like it. I almost feel bad for him now.

I was with some friends and we stopped in at a bar downtown to get a drink. The creeper, as he shall be referred to from now on, happened to be working the door there. So I waved and said hi, the polite thing to do. He waved back. That was the entire extent of our contact for the evening. I spent the rest of the night sitting with friends, laughing and having a good time and NOT talking or interacting with the creeper in any fashion.

So imagine my surprise when I got a text from my friend the next day saying that the creeper had texted her in the middle of the night to tell her that he had "turned Becky down".

Whaaaaaaaaat??  Oh it was just too good. He turned me down? Really? And what? He thought that if he told my friend that that she would be jealous or.... something? I have no clue what his motivation was, but it was a silly silly thing to do. Important notes:

1)  EW! The creeper is so not my type.

2) Even if he were my type, I have a pretty strict rule about not hitting on married men. Or men who are unavailable in general.

3) And most importantly, GIRL FRIENDS TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING! Did he really not think that she would mention his claim to me? And when she called him on it, after she verified with me that it was all hogwash, he still had the nerve to insist it had happened. As if she would believe him over me. Gross.

When did this man turn into a manipulative, scheming girl? I get it that his marriage is falling apart (so he says) and he found a bright shiny star in my friend to make him smile. But seriously..... What was his big plan? I am curious to know how he would have handled any future meetings between us had his lie been believed by my friend. Did he think I would just play along, like a good sport? What a douche.

The moral of this story is that creepers should never, ever ever EVER, try to win girls by using their friends as tools of manipulation. Why? Because we are smarter than you, asshole. And we talk to each other, a lot. Duh.

This past week I ran into the creeper again. He at least had the decency to apologize and blame the whole "misunderstanding" on the fact that he had been drinking and texting, which we all know to be a very bad combination.

I politely accepted his apology, but made a mental note to refrain from waving or saying hi, or being pleasant to any man ever again because they obviously are getting the wrong idea.

Some boys are really dumb. The end.

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