Friday, July 20, 2012

Brighter than the sun!!! Or: Eat your heart out, Mr. Smug.

You always want what you can't have. It's basically a fact. I want straight hair because I have been cursed with the most horrific mop of frizzy curls you can imagine:
PROOF. So icky

Women with ginormous boobs want smaller ones because of back pain (or something stupid like that), but small chested women want ginormous boobs because boys will like us then. The more back pain they cause, the better! Wait, this is a terrible example because if women want ginormous boobs and have the available cash, they can have them. Sorry.

We all want world peace.... but lets be honest, if we finally got it we would be a little bored. Right? Right? (Just kidiiiiiing)

Anyway, I am way off track of where I was going with this. 


Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl. They met when his family moved in next door to hers. The became very good friends. They remained very good friends for many years (18 years to be exact). Over the course of those years the boy declared his affection for the girl on a fairly regular basis. It didn't matter where they were at in life. It happened once while still in High School, living next door to each other. It happened again while he was in the service. It happened again when he was out of the service and living in San Diego. And again after that when he was living in Sacramento, and most recently on about 4 different occasions since he has been living back in good old Redding California. Not quite next door neighbors anymore, but definitely still in each others backyard, so to speak.

The girl always had varied reasons for politely declining his advances. Mostly they came down to "I value our friendship more than a possible failed attempt at anything more". And that would be that, for about 6 months until the boy would get brave and try again. He was persistent if nothing else. Persistent isn't even the right word, relentless is better.

The girl told the boy more than once " I worry that it is more about the chase. You have tried for so long that you don't know what else to do. I am afraid you will be disappointed". To which he scoffed. According to him they were soul mates. Other women paled in comparison and if she would just take a chance, it would all be downhill and happily-ever-afters from then on.
"If anyone has earned the right to love you it is me", said the boy. He said that he would never stop trying if there was any chance at all. There was even a joke, a code word. "Vegas".... if said, he would whisk her off to Vegas to get hitched. So true was his love for her.

Did the girl wake up one day and realize that she had been a fool all along? Of course she did. It wouldn't be a truly good tale of young love if she didn't. She realized and she went running to him with open arms (like an idiot! Foreshadowing??? hmmmmmm). She told him that she had always felt the same way about him but had been scared to hurt their friendship. She told him that she was ready to try out Happily-Ever-After with him.

And less than 4 weeks later he sat her down and told her "Hey, ya know how I've loved you foreeeevvver and basically worn you down to the point of having to say yes to me or leaving the country and changing your name?  Welllll, the thing is, you're doing it wrong. I'm not gonna tell you how, I'm just gonna let it hang out there like a riddle. Peace out".

Ok, that isn't exactly how he said it. But that is exactly how it came across. What he really said was "This just isn't going the way I want. There are certain things that I need that aren't happening. I can't tell you what they are, because they should just be happening organically, not because you know it is what I want".  He even followed it up with a very sincere "We will still be who we have always been. If you need a friend to take you to the hospital at 3am, call me".  So awesome.

No sir, she will not be calling you at 3am to take her to the hospital. She would rather die. She pointed out to him that it really is true, that you always want what you can't have, to which he (surprisingly) admitted to being partially true. Thank you for at least partially owning up to being a typical jerk guy.

Oh, and if you haven't figured it out yet, that is me, I am the girl. And that boy is just somebody that I used to know. Oh Gotye..... you and that stupid song.

Maybe it was all just a big joke.... waiting all these years and pressuring me until I finally broke down and poured my heart out just to say "Psych! I totally got you!".

Well played, sir. Well played.

I am a nice girl. I am shiny and happy and awesome! I am going to continue to be shiny and happy and awesome. SO shiny and awesome in fact, that you will have to shield your eyes from the awesomeness. And it will be really entertaining to watch him realize what he pushed away. But then again, it will only be that he wants me back because he can't have me. It's a vicious cycle really. One that I am all to happy to finally break.

So what is my plan of action? Well screw all this feeling feelings bullshizz. So over that. For the foreseeable future I am going to be using men to satisfy my sexual needs only, as God intended. That's not really true. That's not my style. But I am going to pretend for a while anyway, haha!

Peace out.


  1. Oh you make me giggle. I feel a little bad about giggling at your horrible misfortune. It's just that you're such a good story teller that I completely forget it's your heart you're talking about. Bottom line: you need someone to take you to the hospital at 3am, you call me. Or I guess Facebook me since you don't actually have my phone number.