Facebook is a tarted up homewrecker!

As I was driving to work this morning I was listening to that “Intelligence for your life” John Tesh morning show. John had lots of interesting information this morning, including the fact that women are now more commitment phobic then men, because women are now the bread winners in more relationships and therefore see marriage and settling down as less of a priority. You don’t say……

John then stated something that is probably common knowledge to most of us; Facebook is a relationship obliterating bomb. He said that 1 in 3 divorcing couples cite Facebook as a cause. I am willing to bet that the other 2 out of 3 would say it’s because the husband can’t ever seem to get his dirty clothes into the laundry hamper. Just sayin.

Facebook hurts relationships?!?

 I am typing this with about as much feigned shock and disbelief as I can muster. Honestly, no one should be shocked to hear this. 

Social media and technology as a whole, I believe, are a lot of the reason that no one is faithful anymore. Why would you need to be when you have sooooo many options that are just a text or an instant message away from hopping in the sack with you?

It is so easy to get sucked in. You log in one day and find a friend request from long lost ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It seems innocent enough. So you are soon bfbff’s (best facebook friends forever) and getting all caught up on what’s been going on in each other’s lives. Trivial chat about your dead end job and tivo’d tv shows you need to catch up on turn into serious conversations about how you are being wronged or poorly treated by your current significant other. The next thing you know you are both reminiscing about old times and how great it was when you were together. Remember all the great sex you used to have? Oh yeah, you should definitely talk about that too while you are at it. And you can see where I am going with this, right? Sooner than you can say “How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?”, you are explaining to your devastated boyfriend or girlfriend how you didn’t mean to but you must have tripped and fallen, naked and thrusting, onto your ex whom you have recently reconnected with thanks to the magic of the interwebs and social media. Trust me; it’s happened to yours truly. Not the falling, naked and thrusting part… the being devastated girlfriend part. People are assholes sometimes.

Maybe it’s not an ex that is causing you concern. Maybe it’s just some girl named Vera who works for “Hot bitches 4 Life” (classy, yeah? I swear to jeebus I am not making that up either) and likes to message your man at all hours of the night. Facebook is the land of ignored boundaries. So what if he says he has a fiancé, it is still probably totally ok to text him at 2am, right? Wrong. With “Hot bitches 4 life” on your life resume, I am sure you have no shortage of men to booty call at 2am. Move along now, hussy.

*sigh*

And then there are all the ways that facebook wants to make you aware of things that wouldn’t have normally bothered you, but somehow when broadcasted over a news feed seem to scream “inappropriate!!”  Like when I log on to be politely informed by facebook that my fiancé “liked” one of his ex girlfriend’s pictures. Oh and it even wants to show me the picture. She’s in a bath robe…. Awesome. And I am suddenly tallying up in my head all the photos that I post that get no “likes” or comments or acknowledgment by him in any form. Even more awesome. Thank you so much, Facebook, for making me a neurotic mess.

Note to self: Post half naked pics on facebook. Even if it doesn’t get my man’s attention, it will definitely get me some fans ;)

Facebook is a place where people share way too much information, mistake online friendships for real life meaningfulness and think they can get away with a whole lot more than normal because, after all, it’s all over the internet, so it’s not real and doesn’t really matter.  But when internet relationships or texting relationships start affecting your real life relationship that is when you need to take a step back. 

So yes, I can definitely see how Facebook, or social media in general as I have included it, can be the reason for a failed marriage or relationship. It’s almost been the demise of my own on more than one occasion. 

Nothing is ever quite as “innocent” as we want it to be. It is only as innocent as the person you want most to NOT find out about it perceives it be.

Just food for thought……..

Just shoot me now

I'm sick. Very very sick. The last time I felt this sick was the time I went to the hospital because I thought I had swine flu. They said I wasn't even running a fever when I was sweating and hot to the touch. I guess the only way to diagnose swine flu is to grow a pig snout. Jerks.

I didnt move off the couch at all yesterday. I have yet to leave my bed yet this morning (hooray for phone blogging!) I am hungry, but the only thing that sounds good is nice cold frozen yogurt. So I am going to put my slippers on and a hooded sweatshirt to cover this greasy awful nest of hair and I am going to U top it.

I see this going 2 ways. I either make it to U Top It without incident, other than the occasional crazy look from someone who sees my pretty outfit and hair and thinks I am homeless OR I get half way there and am overcome with the feeling I am going to barf and/or pass out and I am forced to wait on the side of the road for rescue.

Why am I telling you this? Prepare yourself for the phone call is all I'm sayin.

Mmmmmmmm..... Frozen yogurt :)

Wuv... twue wuv......

“All I know is that you’re an awesome person and friend and if you don’t feel that someone deserves your time, they don’t.  I love you as all those things, and IF I ever had the opportunity given from you to be with you, I wouldn’t screw it up”.

Jeeeeze…. why don’t you just stab me right in the heart while you are at it.

How is it possible to look right at someone and recognize them as the exact person you are supposed to be with, and still not be able to just take the leap of faith? You like the same things; same movies, same music, you have the same sense of humor. This person knows you better than you know yourself most of the time. You can talk about anything, even the icky stuff. Yet, there is something that you can’t quite put your finger on that keeps you from saying, “Yep, let’s just jump in and try it out”.

It should be storybook fairytale easy. After all, there are 18 years of history…. cookie baking, late night talks, proms, first kisses, jealousy, missed opportunities, uncomfortable silences on the drive home…..  that illustrate what you already know; He loves you, and if you could just get over whatever that thing is that you can’t put your finger on, he’d probably spend forever making you happy.

And all that history, all 18 years of it, the good and the bad, can be so suffocating that it is hard to breathe. What you do instead, is run as far and as fast as you can away from that person. 

And you run straight into the person that is the exact opposite. You have nothing in common. You may as well speak different languages sometimes. In fact, you do. You have no mutual friends; you didn’t go to school together. All you know of each other is what you want to tell. And it is so easy, and so effortless. And at first the differences don't matter at all. It's as if you are two parts of the same whole and compliment each other even though it would seem to others that you should mix about as well as oil and water. You love like mad and all is right with the world.

And little by little, over time, the differences start to matter. That's not to say that the love is any less, but it isn't so fairytale, it isn't so easy anymore.  There are different expectations, different boundaries, different ideas of what this love should be like. There are hurt feelings and things that you can't take back once they are done or said. You want things to be better, to be right, but it's hard to know the right thing to do when the canyon of differences in between you make it almost impossible to relate to what the other person is saying or feeling.

You want someone to talk to. Someone who can help you get your head right. And you want it to be that person that you always go to when you need someone to understand you. After 18 years he understands you. The person who knows what you are going to say before you say it. But that person can't just be your friend and listen. That person doesn't have your relationships best interest at heart because his heart wants you.

I am hurting one person, and being hurt by another. Sometimes love really does suck big time. I want to feel safe and secure in my relationship again. I want to have my friend. I am having a hard time reconciling myself with the fact that you can't always have what you want.

Sometimes things just aren't quite as black and white as you would like them to be.