Naughty language alert:
I am pretty evil.....
Once upon a time I had an amazing best friend. She also happened to be my roommate. Well then I got a boyfriend and my boyfriend and I decided to get married and as most married people do, we decided to live together (Shock!!). Well when we decided to move into a bigger house, we told my amazing best friend/roommate that she could come with us. Why? Not because we relished the thought of having a third party sharing a house with us any longer. Not because we needed the money for rent. But because I didn't want to be responsible for my very best friend to have to move back in with her family. I was trying to be nice. I was trying to look out for her. I am a huge asshole, right?
For future reference, do not ever try to be nice. People are fucking assholes and you will only suffer for trying to be nice.
Unfortunately, the three of us living together was not all puppy dogs and rainbows. While her and I had a great dynamic for living together, once fiance was in the picture it was just always strained and awkward. Always. She and I had more disagreements and misunderstandings and hurt feelings in the 2 1/2 months that we all lived together than her and I had in the 3 plus years we lived together total. Is that any one persons fault? Nope. Sometimes 3 people just aren't going to mesh to live together.
I thought that maybe once we all got into the bigger house and had more space, that things would be better. But they did not get better. Fiance was grumpy because he didn't particularly want to have another person in the picture and friend was acting a little strange and saying weirdo stuff like she "doesn't know how to share me". And I am stuck in the middle of all their grouchy mood swings (him) and emotional teary meltdowns (her). Super fun does not begin to describe my days. I was half afraid to talk to her anymore and he was just getting more and more distant.
So what did I do? Well if you listen to anyone in town that has had a chance to talk to my "friend", you already know that I dropped a big ol' atomic bomb on her life. I kicked her out in the street and said good riddance.
Funny..... that doesn't sound like something I would do. Oh that's right, that's because it isn't something that I would do. It isn't what I did.
What I did do was tell her in the nicest possible way that I knew how that it wasn't working for me to have all three of us live together. I was very naive to think that I could have my fiance and play house and still keep my best friend living with me too. I told her that I thought that it was hurting our friendship to continue to live together because it was so awkward and tense all the time. I told her that if she wanted to stay in the house, that fiance and I would move out. I wrapped it all up with a big sloppy bow called "I love you and our friendship and I just don't want this to continue to hurt us. You are my best friend".
It went about as well as expected. Oh wait, no it didn't.
Hysterical meltdown doesn't begin to describe her reaction. After she yelled and sobbed, and yelled some more at me about what a shitty fucking friend I am and how she can't believe I would do that to her, she hung up on me. I didn't hear from her for the rest of the day. The next day I get a text saying she is at the house and moving all her stuff out.
But it get's better. Not only did she pack her shit and leave in a huff (for the record I never even said when this needed to happen, I just said we needed to discuss it), she told anyone who would listen that I kicked her out. And then the nasty lies about my fiance started.
I tried to reach out on a couple occasions, a text, an invite to a party, a message to get well soon. I even told her I missed her. I got NOTHING in return. Nothing. So, I can take a hint. I assumed that we are no longer friends. Not because I don't want to be, but because she was clearly indicating to me that she did not want to be. So I did the only logical thing... I deleted her and her gossip spreading family from my facebook. I should mention here that I used to consider her family my family. We were very close, or at least I thought. But I heard the awful things they were saying about me and my fiance. It was uncalled for. It was childish. And quite frankly, I don't have the time or the patience for it.
You would have thought that I took a giant shit on her. From what I hear (because obviously I was no longer able to see her facebook posts) she immediately took to the internet to announce that since I deleted her we must not be friends anymore.
It took the fact that I deleted her to be the final straw, and not the fact that she was ignoring me and spreading lies to signify the end of our friendship?
And then eeeeeeeeveryone she knows, some people I even considered friends at one time, had to jump on the "you poor thing" bandwagon to say what a bitch/whore/awful person I am. It was a thread dedicated to wishing me a lifetime of awful karma.
I hope she feels better. I hope she feels vindicated by making me look like an awful person who deliberately hurt her. I really do. If that is what it takes for her to be ok, than by golly, she should do whatever she wants. Because I truly did not want to hurt her.
But some things can't be taken back. One day she might think back and realize that my decision to not live together was not about kicking her out and ending our friendship, it was about getting it back to where it was. Sadly, it's already much too late to fix this.
She probably won't read this. None of them will. But I feel better getting my side out there. Even if no one reads it.
I doubt you could have done anything differently. I'm sooooo sorry that this is happening to you. Did your ex-roomie think she was going to live with you and Alonso forever? Really?! She had to know this was going to happen eventually. I know you are a good person and for every friend you lose because of this non-sense, you will gain many more, mature friends.ReplyDelete
Ending relationships is a sad thing. Yet, the way it ended seems even more sad...I believe in restoration and reconcillation.ReplyDelete