Friday, December 28, 2012

I'm waffling

I have been wondering lately if I should keep trying to make an effort. It's been a year. I keep trying and all I manage to get in return is excluded from things that I would have normally been included in because..... well I don't know. Because certain people can't act like mature adults?  Because we can't just all get along? What I have found myself doing instead is watching, as an outsider, the fun group things that my friends are doing and wondering why I have been singled out as the only person not invited to join in. I know the answer. But it's stupid. I was willing to let some time pass, and graciously bow out into the background..... for awhile. I am tired of being the disgraced black sheep of the group. 

I remember a time, not all that long ago, when if one of us was having a get together and we knew that certain attendees might not get along, we said "Fuck it. They will have to deal with it because they are both my friends".  I guess that mentality doesn't apply to me.

I shouldn't care, but my feelings are hurt. I don't feel like I should keep bothering. I suppose the best course of action is just to continue fading into the background.  It's not as if I have a shortage of friends. I am not sitting at home, crying myself to sleep because no one wants to hang out with me; but I miss those friends. Two of them in particular, and specifically the option of hanging out with both of them at the same time.

I'm not sure what to do :(

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Saying Goodbye- Feb 1, 2011

Ouch, reading this again makes me so sad :(

My grandpa is the best man that I have ever known.  I might be a little bit partial.... but honestly, a lot of people say that about him, not just his devoted family. He is kind, generous, loving, accepting and forgiving.  He always has a kind or encouraging word for everyone. I am so lucky to have been blessed with him as my family.

It seems that 88 years have finally caught up to him.  His body is tired and despite fighting it for the last couple of months, it is time for him to rest and move on.  Tomorrow morning we have to say goodbye.

I selfishly want him to stay, to live forever. But that is not how life works. We all reach the end and we all have to leave this world.  My grief at losing him as a constant fixture in my life is lessened by the knowledge that he will no longer suffer and he will be home with God and his family.

Thank you, Papa for so many life lessons, hugs, kisses, and the general feeling of being so loved and cherished unconditionally. I can only hope that I was able to make you feel the same while you were here. Every time I drink a Dr. Pepper or eat a peach, I will think of you and smile.

Rest comfortably tonight, Papa. You have an exciting journey home tomorrow. Give Uncle Gene and Uncle Dillard a hug for me when you get there. I love you bunches and always.

Listening to John Mayer makes me whiney and introspective and annoying. Shoot me!- Jan 24, 2011

I STILL need to hike Half-Dome!!

Random Monday thoughts......

-The hospital is my least favorite place, yet it seems to be where I am spending the majority of my time lately.  I think that I am almost as good at finding things at Redding Med (Shasta regional, or whatever they call themselves for the moment) now as I was when my dad was at Mercy.  I could probably start showing people how to find where they are going. Like a greeter or something. But I don't want to wear one of those hideous stripey outfits. Funny enough, when my dad spent a week at Mercy 2 weeks ago, I thought for sure that I would have to learn that place all over again. But sadly, it all came right back and I was able to get straight to him without asking for assistance or really even having to read the signs. Seemed more like I had just been there 2 days before, and not 2 years.  Weird.  Can you all start taking your vitamins and do yoga or something? Be healthy. I am tired of spending my free time at the hospital ;p

-Deana commented to me yesterday, after I slayed the Direct TV box, that I am pretty tech-savvy.  I feel like I know enough to get myself in trouble ;p  But I have discovered lately that I kinda dig that computer/software/electronics "stuff".  Been rolling around the idea of maybe looking into a degree in computer science.  I know, it sounds crazy for me. But who knows... maybe that is my calling. Maybe I would never use it. But if I could take apart my computer, make it run faster/smarter/better, and then put it back together, that would make it all worth it for me ;) 

-My 2nd cousin (3rd maybe? I think it's 3rd....) Ryan, whom I have never met.... because he lives on the moon (Washington), just emailed me and said he is coming to Cali and wants to get together. Oh yes, that just made my freaking day!!!!!  Probably my most favorite person I have never met ;p  And he is going to be in Monterey which I love. Like I need an excuse to head to the ocean :) Yay for cousin visits!!!!!

-I suck pretty hard in the dating dept lately. In the last month I have:
1) Been dumped. Well, as dumped as I could have been when it wasn't really a relationship to begin with. But whatev.
2) Had a really awkward and uncomfortable talk with one of my oldest and best friends about how despite the fact that we are probably soul mates, and I recognize that, we will not be dating because I just don't feel the same way about him that he feels about me. Good times for sure.
3) Spent my birthday with amazing friends, including ex boyfriend that I dated for 5 years. We are still friends, very good friends actually. And it was strangely familiar and comfortable right down to him calling me "babe", and then quickly correcting himself to "Becky" ;p But the fact remains that we didn't work out for some pretty serious and important reasons and those will not change. And lastly......
4) I met a really good looking, smart and funny guy who seems to like me and wants to spend time with me. I am fighting the urge to scream "If you are fucked up, save me some time and peddle your crazy elsewhere!". I have a feeling that if I do that, he will most likely not want to spend time with me anymore, haha. And that would be a shame because the cookies and sailing and such have been tolerable so far ;)
To summarize; I am wishing that the guys that I am not interested in would stop hurling their feelings and emotions at me. I am wishing that the guy(s) that I am interested in would pull their head out and take a breath, I'm not THAT scary. I am finding that I can't fall back into a habit simply because it is comfortable and familiar, because it is still what it is. And finally, I shouldn't be suspiciously waiting for a seemingly normal, very nice guy to turn out to be damaged, when instead I should be dreading the moment when he finds out that I am damaged ;p  I think maybe I will just join a convent, haha.

-I am hiking half-dome this summer. So far everyone that I tell wants to snicker at me like they don't think it will happen. I will show you nay-sayers. It's going to be AMAZING.  I really think the only thing standing between me and the top is that pesky elevation issue and the fact that I am a wheezy mess lately. But I am sure there is something to be done, some way to prepare for that. I will not be deterred!!!! And when the emergency rescue team has to haul my ass down, hooked up to oxygen, I will be saying "See, I told you I could do it!" :p

-I want to karaoke more. Nothing makes me quite as happy as singing and I don't do it nearly often enough. Even if I am laughed off stage, it'll still be fun with good friends. First up on my karaoke set list: "Touch myself" by the Divinyls. A good time will be had by all ;p Who's up for some karaoke fun this Tuesday?

New Years Resolutions- Dec 29, 2010

Sadly, hardly any of these things were accomplished despite my enthusiastic approach. I will cut and paste to my New Years Resolutions circa 2013.

3 more days and it will be 2011.  And in just over two weeks I will be 30.  I have been trying really hard not to let this milestone effect me in a weird midlife crisis sort of way, it's just another birthday right?  No, not really. Not when I think about all the plans I had and a certain list I made a few years ago titled "Things I need to do before I am 30".... I sadly have not crossed anything off that list yet.  I am a busy girl, but its no excuse for putting off things that are important to me. So with that list in mind, and of course the new goals that have come to me over the course of this year, here are my 2011 New Years Resolutions:

1. For the love of all things Holy, I am going to finish up the last 3 classes I need at Shasta College so I can transfer.  I have no excuse for not having it done already. It's just that I work full time and so the only time I can get out there is at night. And after I work all day, the last thing I want to do is spend another 3 hours or so on campus. And then homework. Ick!  But that is just laziness talking.... I can do it. I will do it.

2. Gym. Gym. Oh yeah, GYM.  I need to get my ass in gear.  I went 5 days a week for the longest time. Then my membership expired and I didn't renew it right away and I sat around like a lazy slob. And I can definitely tell where it has gotten me.  I try to stay active, but between the blistering heat in the summer and the freezing rain in the winter... there are not a whole lot of usable outdoor months in this area. So back to the gym I go. I will just go right after work, on my way to class.  Plenty of time :p   I have about 25 pounds I would like to kiss goodbye.

3.  Oh, boys.  My heart and I are going to sit down and have a little talk.  Heart is no longer allowed to become attached to emotionally unavailable men.  Not even the ones who pretend to be available and say things like "Oh wow. Becky you are so super and I like you lots and you make me happpppy. Let's spend lots of time together so I can convince you that I might be interested in sticking around for awhile".  Because that is almost always closely followed by "Becky, I like you a lot, but....".  And the "But" has shown itself to be many varied things. NEWSFLASH: I am not some experiment for you to test out and make sure you are ready for the real thing. I AM the real thing! And I am pretty f*ing awesome. Got that, heart?  I hope you were paying attention. Recap- No more wishy-washy boys.  I know this sounds like a very specific example of a thing that happened once.... but sadly this has happened to me plenty of times.

4. Learn to play the guitar.  This was on my list of things to do before I am 30.  I tried once, and failed. Damn these small hands!  But I shall not give up.  I am gonna dust off my guitar (yes, I have one) and try try again.

5.  Be a better cook. Maybe I need a class or something. I am sure I can squeeze it in somewhere between the gym and math class.  At nearly 30 years old I should be a better cook. It's a good thing I have Deana... otherwise I would be subsisting on spaghetti and chocolate chip cookies.That doesn't sound half bad, but it is probably most of the reason I need to get back to the gym so badly ;p

6. Go to Hawaii. Before 2011 is over.  I need sandy beaches and umbrella drinks.

7.  Be a good friend, but stop allowing my "good" friends to walk all over me.  I must learn to say no. I am really good at telling others how to say no, but I am not so good at the practical application of it.  Those who can't do, teach. Right? ;p

Well, I think that covers most of it. I left out the really boring stuff, like getting my eyebrows waxed instead of tweezing, and getting three stars on all the Angry Birds levels ;p


Breaking News! Random slobbery dog attacks in Shasta Lake- Dec 22, 2010

 Good thing I love dogs.

God must have woke up this morning and said to himself "Gee, what today really needs to make it extra special spectacular (this is assuming the God talks just like me) is for Becky to be full body contact assaulted by a GIANT slobbery wet dog in her drive way".  And behold! A GIANT slobbery wet dog High-fived me right in the chest this morning while getting into my car. And it was good.

I guess it could have been worse. The dog could have been Cujo, and could have ripped my head off and proceeded to use it like a chew toy.  The upside is that said GIANT slobbery wet dog seemed nice enough.  So nice that he must have been making the rounds this morning and greeting every unsuspecting neighbor about to embark on their morning commute. I prefer though to think that that little slice of misery/heaven this morning was reserved just for me.

I would like to tip my figurative hat to GIANT slobbery wet dog for successfully reminding me that it is only Wednesday, I haven't slept nearly enough in the last week, its raining (as evidenced by that lovely wet dog smell that shall linger on me for the rest of the day) and I really really need a cup of coffee.... good boy!

Just one person?... In the whole entire world???- Nov 9, 2010

I am still not sold on this "Soul Mate" business.....

I just had a very interesting conversation with a friend about soul mates.  She says that she believes that everyone has a soul mate. One person out there in the world that is meant just for you. And that person will be the perfect fit, the sunrise to your sunset, the Mr. Snuffleupagus to your Big Bird. She said this is all predetermined.... fate, I guess you would call it. While I think that is a very romantic idea... I just don't know if I can buy into it. Fate, if you believe in it, can only take you so far.  Sure it can deliver you to the right place at the right time. But what if it delivers me to a guy with bad teeth that I could never bring myself to make out with??  Then what? Maybe he's the Yin to my Yang.... but funky teeth freak me out!

Out of the however many billion people on the planet there is only one that is the perfect one for me? The idea of that makes me feel very claustrophobic.  How am I supposed to recognize another person as my Mr. Snuffleupagus if not for a sign that reads "Desperately seeking Big Bird"?   I watched a movie called "Timer" a month or so ago. It was about people who wear watches that countdown to the exact time that you will meet your soul mate (Pretty good movie, actually).  Maybe we all need those watches.  It would definitely take the unknown out of the equation. But then again, isn't not knowing half the fun?

I don't really know where I was going with this, but the conversation definitely made me think. I'm curious to know who else believes that there is just one person meant for you. If so, have you found that person?  And if you say yes, can I say "I told you so" in 5 years when you are divorced or broken up and looking for your new soul mate?  (I'm half kidding, that would be sad, but you know what I mean ;p)  I'm not judging.... it happened to me too.

On the other side of that coin, do you think it's possible to have many different soul mates? Different people who accentuate the positives of your nature and even out the not so positives? This is more my way of thinking.

Anyway, food for thought. I am curious to know what others think about this "Soul Mate" business.

I'm rolling my eyes, big time, in your direction right now- Oct 27, 2010

Hahahahahaha!!  I actually have another post on here very similar to this about women auctioning off bras for breast cancer awareness. Basically I wanted to say "You are so dumb".

I received this message from a few different female friends over the last week:

"Okay, ladies here is another breast cancer awareness status game. Thanks to all of you that have been playing so far! Copy and paste this email and send it to all the ladies on your friends list. NO MEN! This time we are going to post your shoe size followed by the word "inches" and a sad face. This will really have all of the men asking questions! Remember the whole bra thing made the national news! Let's do it again!"

If one person can tell me how this raises awareness for the fight against breast cancer AT ALL, I will gladly play this game. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I am not going to name names, but really how can you ('you' being the lovely ladies who forwarded this to me) believe this is helping any cause, let alone the fight to beat breast cancer?  If you want to do some good, why don't you donate to the appropriate organization, or volunteer at a fund raiser.  I don't think, and this is obviously just my opinion, that posting our shoe size in hopes of fooling men into think we are talking about their wieners is helping anything.  Funny yes, but totally pointless. If I am wrong, please convince me otherwise.

OK, I have said my piece. Feel free to tar and feather me now for ruining the game ;p

300 seems like an awful lot- Oct 14, 2010

 I have lots of friends, and I am an excellent salesperson of cookie dough.

My friends niece was selling tubs of cookie dough for some sort of fundraiser for school a few weeks ago. She said to me "Auntie Becky, if I sell 128 tubs I get a Nintendo DS", to which I replied "Good luck sweetie, I don't think I could do it. I don't even know 128 people". 

Well clearly that was not an accurate statement. I just realized that I have 300 friends on facebook. Granted, most of them are distant (geographically speaking, always close in heart) family and people I went to school with who I never talk to on here :p  But still, that's a lot of people.  And I am happy to report that out of all of them, there are only 5 (I counted) whom I have never met in person. It's always really annoyed me when I get random friend requests from people who I don't know, and have no mutual friends. Why? All my shit is private so you know nothing about me.  I am not interested in helping you fulfill your desire to get to 5000 friends.

To those 5 who I have yet to meet, I am sure you know who you are, cause this means you have never met me in person either.... let's get together ;)

And to everyone else.... would you like to buy some cookie dough?

Like a 12 step program- Sept 12, 2010

Obviously I was having a bad day. It's also clear that I like the "Golden Girls" too much. Oh who am I kidding, there's no such thing as too much "Golden Girls".

I've adopted a "shut off" plan in an attempt to take feelings I don't want to have anymore, stuff them down deep and ignore them. If I do this for long enough, they will just go away, right? Day #2 and its already harder then I was hoping it would be. *sigh*
I guess since I didn't develop these feelings overnight it would be silly to assume that I can make them go away overnight... Although it seems to be that easy for some.
Soooooo, I'll be eating my way through giant chocolate sheet cakes and watching "Golden Girls" reruns if anyone needs me.
The first step is admitting you have a problem... The other 11 are making it go the f*** away. Here's to working through your feelings. Cheers!

25 Things- January 27, 2009

Everyone remembers these silly Facebook games, right?  Well here were my really interesting (hardly) 25 things about me:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I love sushi but hate pickled ginger. Gross!

2. I love birds. Any kind. But I am having a hard time reconciling that not all birds want to sit on my shoulder and sing me pretty songs like my bird does. I get bit a lot :P

3. I really really dislike math. I am not convinced that learning how to factor a poly-nomial will EVER help me get a job at the zoo. Look, I probably just spelled poly-nomial wrong... that's how much I care.

4. I brush my teeth like 4 times a day. People with nasty teeth freak me out. I might start carrying around a bag of toothbrushes and hand them out to strangers.

5. I am Facebook challanged. For real... it took me like 10 minutes to figure out how to post this once I actually realized that I had been tagged in Sheileen's. I kinda like Myspace better. Feel free to tar and feather me now.

6. It is taking a lot longer then I thought to come up with 25 things about me. And I am only on #6. I'm gonna be here awhile.

7. I am a bit compulsive when it comes to being tidy. Piles of papers really bug me. It might be ok if it were an extremely neat pile... but probably not. Everything has it's place and should be in that place if not being utilized.

8. Going to the gym is the bane of my existence. But I hate being chubby, so I keep going.

9. I don't want children. You can lecture me about how I will change my mind, but I won't. Really. I have not one stinking maternal bone in my body. I love my neices and nephews, but at the end of the day I am sooooo glad that they go home with someone else. So leave me ALONE.

10. I am really unhappy about all the horror movies coming out that are remakes of old ones. I happen to think that 'Last House on the Left" was pretty brilliant the first time around. Why screw up a good thing? Cause you know they are gonna screw it up. Just like they did with "Halloween".

11. On that note, I also don't like all the movies they are putting out that are remakes of Japanese or Korean films. Have you seen the Korean version of "Shutter" WAY scarier than the crappy one they released here. Are we really so lazy that we can't read some subtitles??

12. Wombats are my favorite animal. I dare you to show me something cuter than a wombat

13. I love foreign films. This could play a large part in my reasoning behind #11 :P Some of my favs: "City of Lost Children" "Pan's Labyrinth" "Devils Backbone" "Old Boy". I watched "Fat Girl"... I can't decide if I like it. Definitely disturbing... possibly brilliant. Jury is still out on that one.

14. There are a ton of movies in my Netflix que. I don't think I will ever reach the bottom (or at least what the bottom is now). I don't even remember what half of them are about.

15. I'm pretty sure that Mark Whalberg has had some speech coaching. I was watching "Fear" on TV the other night and he was hard to listen to. He had like a lisp or something.... couldn't hear his R's. Nothing says scary like a speech impediment. But then I watched "Max Payne" (TERRIBLE btw) and he talks totally different.

16. I'm eating fried zuchini right now. Mmmmmmm

17. I love me some nintendo. I can play mario games for hours. I got the new mario kart for wii for my birthday.... now i just need a wii.

18. Haunted Houses scare the bejesus out of me! Especially if there is a chance that someone could actually touch me. Oh Hell no!

19. I am very good at getting what I want. So good in fact that you may not even realize that you are bending to my will. It's sort of like the jedi mind-trick.

20. I can be extremely anti-social. There isn't much that sounds better to me than staying in and putting my jammies on. Unless of course you want to come over and hang out in your jammies too.

21. I tried wearing contacts for awhile, but they really hurt my eyeballs. It felt like I had gravel in my eyes by the time the day was over. So I stick with my trusty glasses. I look like a nerd, so what?

22. It is impossible for me to be on a diet. If I see cheesecake I will eat it. Plain and simple. This is why I just keep plugging along at the gym.

23. I love to dance! And I don't really care who is watching. I am that girl at the club that hears some lame ass old school hip hop, shouts "That's my jam!" and runs out to the dance floor to shake her money maker even though everyone else just left :P

24. I do my own taxes every year. This is easy for me because I have no children, I dont own a home or a business and I make squat. Yay for Turbo Tax!

25. Holy Moly! It's the end. Ummm... one more thing...... I am super duper sarcastic. Having said that, you should take almost all of these "things" seriously.

Make new friends but keep the old

I made a new friend a while back (oxymoron?). My new friend is Blogger. She houses my blog.  My old friend is Facebook notes. Remember those?? Before Facebook I used to rant and rave on my Myspace blog. Some of those posts were real gems, but I was a dummy and deleted my Myspace account and anything that went with it about 4 years ago, including those twisted little peeks into my rambling mind. If I had thought about it for more than 5 seconds before hitting the delete button, I might have had the foresight to copy those blog posts to something for posterity's sake. Oh well.  Thankfully, all my old Facebook notes are still collecting dust on a server somewhere and I am able to dust them off and bring them here for you. Don't get too excited, they aren't anything to write home about, but I am going to post them here, noting the date they were originally written, just so I have a record of them in 5 years when I get sick of Facebook and hit the "delete" button again.

If you happen to follow me on my new little friend here, you will probably notice that the next 5 or 6 posts will probably not make any sense and seem out of place in the timeline of my life; just keep in mind that they are old.


Friday, November 30, 2012

Music makes my world go round

I am not quite sure what made me think of it today, but while I was driving back to the office from my lunch, I was contemplating truly great covers of originally great songs.

I couldn't think of very many. I think that is due to two things. The first being that I have a really hard time with covers of songs that I love. It boggles my mind that anyone could possibly do justice to, or heaven forbid, actually improve upon, a song that I love. And the second being that I am not all knowing when it comes to music and there are probably lots of amazing fairly unknown artists producing mind-exploding versions of some of my all time favorites that I have never even heard. Having said that, I am basing my opinions in this post on my very limited exposure.

I have a very eclectic taste in music. I like it all. Really, all of it. There isn't a single genre of music that I count out all together. It may not be my favorite, I may not have a dedicated Pandora station for it, but I am sure that you could throw any type of music at me and I could find something to like about it.  Music moves me.

Because I have such a varying taste in music, it stands to reason that if I rattled off 10 of my favorite songs to you, it wouldn't be surprising that they would all be very, very different.

As I was driving, these are the first few covers that popped into my head that I will admit to liking just as much as the original, in some cases I like them even more.  Enjoy!

"How Soon is Now"- Love Spit Love.
The first time I heard this version I thought to myself "Gee, this sounds like the Psychedelic Furs" (Whom I LOVE), so I was pleasantly surprised to learn that it's the same singer, just a new band. I know that fans of The Smiths are going to hate me for this, but honestly I love both versions.

"Wild Horses"- The Sundays
Truthfully, I really dislike the Stone's version. I don't really like The Rolling Stones in general. Except for "Beast of Burden", that song is bomb.  This cover of "Wild Horses" always makes me tear up a little bit. It's something about her voice. 

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Tori Amos
What can I say? I love her voice. I love this song. So different and still so brilliant.

"Tainted Love"- Marilyn Manson
Yeah..... I know. Can't help it. I dig this one.

"Tears of a Clown"- The English Beat
This one might be a tie. I like this version and the Smokey Robinson original equally.

There you have it, some of my favorite covers. It's a short list for the moment, but now that I am actually thinking about it, I can come up with so many more that are good, maybe even great.

Sometimes though, silly artists get ridiculous ideas and decide to cover a song that they should never, ever, EVAR touch. Johnny Cash, I am talking to you!! How dare you mess with Trent Reznor?!  I know some people think his (Cash's) version of "Hurt" is great. To those people I say, No. You are wrong. Thank you, come again.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

"Mom, I'm trying to get laid!"

Some people have really sweet tales of how they met their significant other.

They might have met each other at Starbucks over a mutual love of ridiculous caffeinated beverages.

" I'd like a grande, hot, decaf, triple five-pump vanilla, non-fat, no foam, whipped cream, extra hot, extra carmel, upside down carmel machiatto"

Or maybe they met while walking their dogs in the park.

"Oops! I am REALLY sorry that my dog just peed on you. Let me buy you a ridiculous caffeinated beverage at one of the 10 Starbucks within walking distance"

Very rarely though do these romantic stories of how you met start with meeting at a bar, followed by midnight skinny dipping. Well, at least the ones that end well don't start that way.  And by end well I mean not including a walk of shame and a STD test. 

I am only speculating on what an STD test or a walk of shame would be like, since I have never had either. Really. No, I mean it, really.

However, every so often, something that you think will never turn out to be worthwhile (or particularly smart) can surprise you. Pleasantly.

A couple of months ago a friend of mine was planning a night out of dinner and drinks for her going away party. I knew everyone that was there with the exception of one guy who had come along with another friend. He seemed very nice, although a bit quiet. 

As the night progressed we drank a lot. I mean, it was a going away party, it's a celebration, bitches! At some point we decided to head to the gay bar. Why? Not really sure, since none of us are gay, but whatev.

Oh how I love the gay bar. I love that none of the guys are hitting on me, I love the awful Brittany Spears and Lady Gaga music. I just love it. I especially loved the many shots that we had there. There was dancing and more dancing, and even more dancing that took place on top of the pool table! That was the boys, btw, Tanya and I are much too reserved and classy for that. After all that dancing we were hot and sweaty, it was soooooooo humid outside. By the time that we decided to leave I was on the hunt for a swimming pool.  I said out loud how much I would love to go swimming and Rhys (the fairly quiet new guy) proclaimed that he has a pool and that we could go swimming.

Well duh! It was the best idea I had ever heard. Of course I should go to some guys house, whom I had never met before, in the middle of the night to go swimming. And so we did.

 Oh man, and then all the nakedness happened. That is how skinny dipping happens I guess, one person starts taking their clothes off and then next thing you know, you are too. It's almost an involuntary reaction that you can't help. Tanya, being the only responsible voice of reason, managed to stay dressed and just sat back and watched the craziness unfold.

All was fun and games until I looked up towards the sliding glass door and noticed a woman standing there. The woman then scolded us, saying that if we were not quiet, we would wake the neighbors.  I had a couple drinks in me and it was close to 3am so not all my synapses were firing away, but even in my fuzzy state I was aware that something was..... strange. At about that moment, Rhys lifted me, naked as naked can be, out of the pool and basically shouted "Mom! I am trying to get laid!".

 Mom??  That was his mom??  Oh sweet Jesus.

Needless to say, my clothes found their way back onto my body in record speed. While I was searching for my bra, I vaguely recall Rhys saying something about going back to his house. To which I replied that I thought we were at his house. No, not correct. He had taken us back to his  mothers house. To go skinny dipping. In the middle of the night. Apparently everyone knew that we were at his mothers house except for me.

Thanks for the heads up, guys!!  I will remember this the next time you get drunk and start getting naked at a strangers house with the potential to possibly get caught by their parents!

In the wee hours, while intoxicated, one might be tempted to reflect on one's current situation. Don't do that. I did that. I was suddenly thinking to myself "I am tired, and soggy, and not looking like Miss America with all this mascara running down my face. I am also fairly embarrassed. This boy's mom probably hates me. She shouldn't, I am a nice girl. Ugh..... so naked. I need to go home".  And so I did.

Even after all the booze and nakedness, I still managed to end up at home, alone, face washed, pajamas on and snuggled up in my own bed. Thankfully. Walks of shame and STD screenings averted. Success!

Imagine my surprise when Rhys texted me to make sure I had arrived home safetly. Sweet right? I mean, I thought he was just trying to get laid. The whole neighborhood heard him! Instead of getting laid, he got ditched. However, he still wanted to check on me. Nice guy. And then I passed out.

Only to wake up to this lovely head of midnight swim hair:


Over the next couple days Rhys and I texted back and forth and decided to go on a date. Like a real date, not a drunken bar crawl.  So we did. And it was good!

And the rest, as they say, is history. Cue lovely music and release the doves!

Seriously though, it's so funny to me how I met someone great, in the least likely of scenarios, and never really expected it to be.... anything.  I suppose what they say is true, you meet someone when you aren't looking, when you least expect it. It's effortless and comfortable and exciting and all is right with the world. 

I have since re-met, or officially met I should say, his mother; whom I apologized to profusely. She just laughed. I don't think she hates me. At least I hope not. First impressions, geeeez. 

Now, whenever someone asks me "So how did you guys meet", I giggle to myself and depending on who I am telling the story to, edit for content accordingly. 

Monday, November 12, 2012

You can shove those thin mints straight up your ass

I made some ribs in the crock pot last night for dinner. Bomb if I do say so myself. I very rarely produce anything even remotely close to culinary greatness, so when something actually turns out yummy (and not poisonous) I am the first one to pat myself on the back. It was the easiest recipe ever and all I was missing from my cabinets was BBQ sauce. It was going to be a quick trip to the store and I would be on my way to a delicious, and easy-peasy, dinner.

I live exactly 2 minutes away from a Raleys grocery store, so I jumped in my car and drove around the corner. When I pulled into the parking lot I noticed that there were picketers outside. Now I know you are not supposed to cross a picket line otherwise you are basically saying to these people that "I don't give a shit about what your labor issue is". I can't say that I was particularly interested in what their gripe was, I was more interested in getting my BBQ sauce and getting back home. Unfortunately, I was approached by a man, about my fathers age, with a flyer and a need to discuss his beef (not literally) with me.

From what I gleamed off our 2 minute long conversation, Raleys does not want to offer medical benefits to retired employees (or not pay for them anymore, either way, retiree's would now have to pay for their own healthcare). As much as I tried to be sympathetic, I swear I really really tried, I just didn't care. Do you know why I don't care? Because I have to pay for my own health insurance. So I don't feel bad for you if you are not getting yours for free. ESPECIALLY if you are no longer even working for the company that you expect to pay for said benefits. I am sure that they paid for those benefits for the maaaaaaaany years that you faithfully dedicated yourself to your job with them. Good for them, that is about all I personally feel that they are obligated to do for you. Maybe that is my jaded opinion because no one is paying my health insurance for me, but there it is. So shoot me.

Even though I was wholly unsympathetic to his complaint I felt so guilty about  continuing on into the store that I stood there and waffled for a minute. This man was judging me with his eyes and I could tell that I was not about to continue my shopping trip without a huge guilt trip to go along with it. So what did I do? Well, like a giant pussy, I got back into my car and proceeded to drive 20 extra minutes to the Safeway across town. I am blaming it on PMS, I couldn't deal with any sad-faced judgmental attacks by a man who is probably riddled with cancer and now has no healthcare to pay for his treatment. I almost cried because my pony-tail holder ripped in half that morning, I was already on emotional overload. PMS sucks, FYI.

I arrived at Safeway, already angry that I had to drive across town in the first place. But I put a smile on my face and proceeded into the store. Well, I attempted to go into the store. While on my way inside I was surrounded by, much like little yappy dogs circling your knees, tiny Girl Scouts pleading with me to purchase cookies to support their troop. I politely declined, no reason necessary. If you don't want something you should definitely NEVER be made to feel badly for not purchasing it. I don't care what the great cause is that the money goes to, why would I buy cookies that I do not like and would never eat? That is a waste of my money. I have plenty of other things that I choose to spend my hard earned money on, and nasty cookies are not high on my list of priorities. Thankyouverymuch.

Once inside the store I made a beeline for the BBQ sauce. I found the perfect one, and feeling optimistic that I was nearing the end of my grocery store journey for the day I made my way to the register. The place was a zoo, full of people buying turkeys and the lines were long. I picked the least offending looking line and waited patiently for my turn. Needless to say that after about 8 minutes of standing behind two women (one with a price check from hell that took waaaaaaay to long, and the other with her various food stamp vouchers) my patience was worn to the max. I just wanted to pay for my damn BBQ and go home!!!  Why did the cooking Gods hate me so much?

After paying for my BBQ sauce and exiting the store I was AGAIN accosted by those little Girl Scout leaches.  I politely declined AGAIN and began to turn around and head the other way. As I did this I noticed that the mother of one of these little future "most annoying girl in our class" candidates gave me a really nasty look. And I kind of lost my shit. I had had enough. So I turned to face her and I said "I don't like Girl Scout cookies. There is no need for that nasty look you just gave me". She seemed a bit taken aback that I would call her out, but recovered and said "It goes to a good cause". To which I replied, "I am sure it does, but I am still not buying cookies that I don't like. There is no need for rudeness. I am sure plenty of other people will buy them". I turned and walked back to my car wishing that instead of being a calm and collected (impressive considering my current state of internal emotional meltdown) version of myself that I had flipped that stupid table holding all the cookies over and stomped away.

When I reached my car I noticed that there were two people standing next to their car, which happened to be parked right beside mine, and they were chain smoking and getting all that nasty smell in my car, which I had mistakenly left the window down on. Ugh. Now, on top of everything else, my car smelled like an ash tray.

I drove home, quietly, with the radio off hoping that I could make it back without any more ridiculousness. Luckily, I did. I got my ribs into the crock pot and my dinner turned out better than I anticipated. Or maybe really it was just passable, but because of the trying events leading to their preparation, anything would have tasted like heaven.

 I guess we may never know.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

You can't take me anywhere!

I love it when my past posts result in material for new posts. It's like the circle of life, or some shit.

 "It's the circle of liiiiiiiiife! And it moves us allllll"

Many many moons ago I wrote a post about this guy who I was sorta seeing and the extraordinary effort he put in to telling me a very silly and unnecessary lie.

You can see it here. In fact, you ought to read that first or unfortunately the rest of this post won't make any sense at all.

Now it gets fun.

This past weekend I went to a wedding. When I arrived I was introduced to another woman who was the date of an acquaintance of mine.  Imagine my surprise to see that his date was the ugly necklace girl from my long ago post! I knew immediately who she was but since she appeared to not remember me, I played dumb and acted as though we were being introduced for the first time.

My plan would have worked perfectly except that as the evening went on she started to remember that she had met me before, but couldn't remember when or how. She told me that I looked familiar. I told her that she looked familiar also, but honestly, I was totally OK with just letting it be a mystery for.... ever.

As the night went on she asked me a couple different times if I knew "so and so". Unfortunately, the answer was always no. The only person that we both know is the one that I was avoiding bringing up.  Finally, I figured that she wouldn't be giving up any time soon and just blurted out that we both know that one guy and we had met like over a year and a half ago.

You know that saying that you can "see the wheels turning in someone's head"?  Oh that happened.

I am not exaggerating when I say that the conversation proceeded like this:

Her: "You dated him right?"
Me: "Well I wouldn't really call it dating. We spent some time together. But I guess for lack of a better word....."
Her: "You are the one that was all crazy"
Me: (Thinking: What the?) "Nooooo, I try to refrain from crazy. I'm nice"
Her: "You posted on facebook that my necklace was ugly"
Me: (Dying of laughter on the inside) ?What? I would never. I don't talk trash on my facebook". (True words! It's not my fault that she cannot differentiate my facebook from my blog. Ok ok, this may have been a lie by omission. Shoot me).

Everyone at the table had turned and was watching this totally awesome display. Thank goodness for my friend who came up with a very well timed distraction, "Oh look, it's time for the speeches".

The rest of the evening was drama free, but I am assuming that is because she and I did not speak to each other again, save for general niceties about the DJ or the food. 

I contemplated pulling her aside and explaining something. What I would have said was:

Look honey, just because I didn't like your necklace way back in the day does not mean that I was personally attacking you. You are probably super nice, in fact you have seemed very nice on both occasions that we have met aside from your little "You're crazy" confrontation a couple minutes ago. We just don't have the same taste in jewelry and since it's my blog, I can say whatever I want. It's not as if I called you out by name and said "(Insert your name here), who was born on (insert your birthday here), and who lives in Redding, CA has some seriously ugly jewelry and you should throw rocks at her". Only you and that guy that we both know would have any idea at all who I was even talking about. Additionally, I may or may not have speculated as to what kind of person you are, insinuating that married women who run around with, and leave jewelry at the homes of, men other than their husbands are probably hookers.  First of all, I have no idea about what you actually do, only what our mutual friend has told me of you. If it is inaccurate, take it up with him, don't be angry at me for forming an opinion based on the information given to me. Secondly, if you have read any of my other blog posts (which I doubt since they have nothing to do with you) you would know that I exaggerate almost everything for maximum comedic value. It's just what I do. Don't trip. I don't know you well enough to know whether or not you are, in fact, a hooker. Ok? Ok. Now, let's go shake our money makers on the dance floor to some Sir. Mix-a-lot. Xoxoxo

Fortunately or unfortunately, I can't decide yet, the timing was never quite right to pull her aside and have that little heart to heart. But maybe she will see this, I mean seriously I never expected her to see the last one, so the odds are good that this one will make it's way back to her as well. And maybe if she sees this she will not think I am an awful, crazy, monster anymore. Who am I kidding, she will probably still hate me, but here's to wishful thinking ;) Cheers, Darling!!

Stay tuned for my next post about a totally different awkward encounter at the same wedding!  I promise I didn't call anyone a hooker in that one. Pinky swear.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Haters gonna hate

I am going to preface this post by saying that I am not a soulless, insensitive asshole. At least not all the time (only the days that I get out of bed on the left side... oh wait, that is every day). However, I am certain that my opinion on the following topic is not going to win me any fans. Proceed at your own risk.

A while back I ventured into the tumblr universe. I did this because my thought process went something like this:

"I like funny gifs"
"I has blog"
"I wonder where other funny blogs live?"
"I have friends with tumblr blogs"
"Maybe I should check out the tumblr"

And I did. And it was good. Sorta, aside from the overwhelming amount of posts dedicated to Harry Potter. I even hypothesized that tumblr is run by a giant Harry Potter powered engine.  

Lately I have noticed a disturbing trend on tumblr. Every sad, weepy, hormonal tween in the world is posting about how awful their lives are and as a result they have to have an eating disorder, cut themselves, or worse yet, contemplate suicide.


I am blaming this on Demi Lovato.

Why am I blaming Demi Lovato? Well that is easy, it's because I find her to be a whiny, pity party fueled, trainwreck.

To listen to her talk on any of her recent talk show appearances you would expect her to have the WORST life ever. She must have parents who hate her, no friends, weigh a thousand pounds and be a hideous troll with 3 eyeballs and a peg leg. That would be a justifiable reason to hate yourself enough to cut and have an eating disorder and contemplate suicide.

 I bet she looks like this and strangers throw eggs at her!

What? What do you mean that she is gorgeous and talented and thin? She has a great family? This can't be right......

What the fuck?!  I want to punch this girl in the face. It must really suck being so beautiful and wealthy and talented and surrounded by people who love you. I would probably want to kill myself too. It's a rough life for Demi. 

So now all these young impressionable people who idolize Demi Lovato are sitting around and thinking to themselves "Well if she is so perfect and she still thinks that offing herself would make the world a better place, what the hell am I still doing breathing air?! I better go post all over the internet what a disappointing waste of flesh I am".

And then those sad, social rejects post this sort of drivel alllllllll over tumblr:

Oh jeeeeeeeeeez, just knock it off already. It has been my experience in life that people who cry big soggy tears about how depressed and suicidal they are, are really only trying to get attention. These people are drama queens. When you put your sad bastard insecurities on display on the internet you are TRYING to get people to pay attention to you. I should know, I post a whole lot of my dirty laundry and insecurities on my blog and I am the biggest attention whore of them all. Look at me!!

I am not judging.

Ok, yes I am. Oopsie.

But my point in this; If you are TRULY depressed and harming yourself or thinking that suicide sounds like a fun thing GET HELP!!!!  Posting about it to strangers on the internet is not going to fix you.  The only thing that will probably fix you is a Hello Kitty band aid, a hamburger and some Prozac. Call a therapist. I have a great one that I highly recommend.

Now, if you are not truly, clinically messed up.... please just stop it already. People will like you more if you talk about rainbows and sunshine and peanut butter cookies and less about how worthless you think you are in an attempt to fish for compliments and reassurance that you are super fantastic. It gets really tiresome when you constantly have to be someone's ego bump.

On a serious note- I do not take suicide, depression, eating disorders or self mutilation lightly. I am just saying that I am pretty sure that 90% of the people who are waxing poetic about it on tumblr, to the tune of 87 gifs of crying eyes a day, are probably not going hungry, cutting themselves except maybe while shaving, or thinking about tying a rope around their neck. They just need a hug or something... and some vitamin D.

The moral of this story is- Sometimes life sucks. But let's not be ridiculous and overly dramatic, okay? Okay. Unless of course you are going to use funny pictures to illustrate your sorrows, therefor making them less serious and finding the humor in even your shittiest life experiences.  It evens out that way. Wait, don't do that.... that's my thing ;)

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Yes, my initals are BJ.... but keep your pants on for just a minute

I actually wrote this over a year ago, and it has been sitting in draft status for that long. It made me giggle. I remember exactly who this was directed at.... a hoe-beast of a "friend" who was just jelly of my fabulous lifestyle and was always trying to put me down by "joking" with me about the guys I was dating. I don't have to sleep with a man to get his attention, but I am glad that works for some ;p

Open letter to my friends who should actually know me better by now:

I am not promiscuous.  I don't jump from bed to bed on a desperate self-esteem train wreck of a quest to make myself feel loved and pretty.  I know that I am loved, and about 4 days of the week (usually Thursday-Sunday) I feel pretty.  I don't have anything to prove by dropping my panties for every guy that comes along. Unless... do you think that will make me feel pretty the other 3 days of the week?? 

Anyway, I am getting really really tired, and grouchy, about the hooker jokes.  I get it, it's strange for me to not have a boyfriend. It is strange to see me date guys without having any level of exclusivity.  But just because I have been on a few dates does not mean that I have slept with every guy, or any of them for that matter!  Good lord. I am way too busy for that! And picky. Much too picky.

 So knock it off already!


River rafting, like a boss!

Oh yeah, I have totally river rafted before. Bunches of times. Look! (old rafting pictures circa 2009)

The booze gets it's very own raft!

 It's a lazy float down the Sacramento River, no skill needed

Until some drunk chick (moi) jumps in to cool off and is so greased up with sunscreen that she can't pull her slimy body back into the raft. Then, skill would be helpful.

For Labor Day weekend some friends suggested that we go river rafting. Naturally I was all for it, I am like a professional floater. I was even more excited when they told me that we wouldn't be doing the standard Sacramento river float. We were going to go serious river rafting on the Trinity river just west of Weaverville. WooHooo!!!!!

I wasn't quite sure what to expect since I had never been on a "serious" rafting trip before. All I was told was that it was going to cost me $67 (Yikes! I better get a tiny oar dipped in gold key chain for that price!) and that I had to wear "river sandals", no flip flops allowed.

Firstly, "river sandals" are not very attractive. I was irritated that I had to purchase special footwear for a trip that was already going to cost me almost $70, but off to Sports Authority I went. I found a somewhat less hideous version of Tevas, paid $25 for them, and prayed that I would have another excuse to wear them ever.  As I was walking back to my car I thought briefly about how owning such a pair of sandals almost dictates that I should drive a Subaru and eat lots of granola. And possibly stop shaving my legs. 

Never mind... I never want to wear them again. I like my smooth legs and cheerios for breakfast.

I met up with Candace and Aaron and Josh that morning to head out. We needed to be at the raft rental place by 2:00. The drive was uneventful, aside from crazy motorists, but that's normal. 

 Does anyone else remember this cartoon??

Once we arrived we were handed life jackets and told to sign in and pay our fees. I was handed a life jacket by an older gentleman with a long white ponytail. He seemed nice enough. Once I attempted to put on the life jacket I realized there was a problem. It was like 87 sizes too large for me. Clearly, old man time thought I was fat. Jerk. I politely asked for a life vest that wouldn't slip over my head in the event that I fall in the water. I wasn't super interested in drowning that day. 

Sporting my properly fitting life jacket. Let's go!

Now, there aren't very many pictures of the trip, except for the ones that the rafting company takes of you going through "Hell Hole". None of us wanted to risk getting our cameras or phones wet. But I will assure you that it was a beautiful trip down the river. The water was cold but refreshing. There were a couple slow and calm spots that were ideal for beer drinking, and Aaron and I took full advantage of that.   Our guide, Matt, who was gorgeous by the way, gave us all very good instructions and we managed to travel the river with little incident. Except for that whole part about left hand turns that Aaron and I clearly did not pay attention during since when he shouted "Left Turn!!" we both just looked at each other as though we knew we should be doing something specific but could not remember what it was. Candace and Josh were better students and knew exactly what they were supposed to do which resulted in us spinning in a circle, haha!

There was a short stop at some tall rocks that everyone jumped off of except for me. I don't do heights. No way Jose. But it looked like fun. I just lived vicariously through everyone else. Another short break for chips and dip and more beers. And then it was time to get really wet!


TA-DA!!!  We didn't die!  It was so much fun! About 4 minutes after we emerged from Hell Hole Candace commented that she felt something on her foot. Imagine our surprise when she goes to reach down and finds a snake wrapped around her foot!!  EEEEEEEEKKKKK!  Thankfully Josh grabbed it quickly and tossed it out of the raft. Snakes are not my friend. Gross.

We made it back to the office alive. Soggy, but no worse for wear. We had a good laugh over all the pictures and made a quick stop for pizza at the "Straw House" restaurant across the street. The pizza was, I highly recommend it. We had some chicken pesto goodness that was to die for. We made it back to Redding a little after 9pm. I have never slept so soundly.

A giant thank you to the staff at Trinity River Rafting and Serendipity Snapshots for a fun time and the pictures to prove we did it!

Seriously, you should go now. Do it. Ask for Matt, he is yummy. You're welcome ;) Oh wait, I was told some story about how he was being tossed into a volcano the next day, he may not be available anymore....... bummer.

Monday, September 17, 2012

So far, 2012 can suck my junk

This has been a trying year. I had very high hopes for 2012 and so far none of the things I was hoping for have come to fruition.
 Oh if only it were over already

I have had more than enough heartache to last me a couple years or more. My year so far in recap:

I am not getting married anymore. Sometimes people are just not capable of being decent and honest. It hurts when you realize that you've spent so much time making excuses for someone and gave them so many chances to hurt you again and again. And then there is the humiliation that comes along with it when EVERYONE you know is saying "Oh you didn't know that? We all knew that" and they look at you with sympathy all over their face. I HATE people feeling sorry for me. Ew. I hate being played even more though. Sometimes I just want to kick someone (him) in the nards. I am sure that would make me feel better.

I was pregnant. Not for long though.  While I was, I was scared out of my mind. I am not ready to be a parent by any stretch of the imagination. But once I allowed myself to take some deep breaths and calm the fuck down.... I kind of liked the idea. I was going to be a mommy! I could groom my spawn into an awesome little person! I would have someone to love unconditionally and would love me unconditionally in return. And then it was gone. And it hurt so badly. It's stupid really.... I mean, I spent the better part of the last 19 years saying that I never wanted children. So why should I care so much? Who knows why.... but I did. I do. I guess these things happen when they are supposed to and when they are not, they don't.

Do you think they make a "parenting for Dummies" book??

I lost my best friend. I miss her. When all this shit came raining down on me I wanted so badly to call her. And of course I couldn't. She is basically only cordial to me anymore, for reasons that she feels validated in having. And that's fine. But I feel like we both did wrong and I was hoping to mend fences. I guess I am the only one. I will continue to be optimistic.


My body has staged a mutiny against me. I had some serious complications after the baby that drained about 4 weeks off my life and caused some awful pain and more follow up appointments than I care to count. Thankfully, I believe that as far as my reproductive parts are concerned, I am back to normal. Unfortunately now my back has decided to cause constant, and almost unbearable at times, pain.  Three Chiropractor appointments a week and an MRI and there is still no measurable improvement or projected time frame for relief :( Boooooooo.

My Gammy died. My heart hurts. The last time I saw her she talked about how much she loved me, "I sure do love you, you know", and also about how sorry she was for being such a burden.  I tried to explain to her that she was never a burden. I wish I had better words then, had I known that it would be the last time I would talk to her. She was so tired and weak, and she fell asleep while my sister and I were there. We decided that it was best not to wake her to say goodbye, she needed her rest. And so we quietly left while she napped. I wish I could go back and wake her up and say goodbye properly! That is selfish of me, I suppose, to want to be able to ease these feelings of regret. It's so very important to make the time and let the people who we love know that they are important to us. It's not a burden to care for the people who care for us!!

 I miss her!!!! <3

All that stuff came down within a 6 month period. I find myself in a constant state of hesitation, unsure how to proceed because I am hyper aware of the universe's current fondness for shitting all over my life. I waffle between wanting to stay in the safety of my bed where the outside can't hurt me, and running outside and shrieking at the sky that "I am not quite broken yet, So why don't you show me what you've really got!"

Instead, I do neither of those things. I get up every day and I go to work. I spend time with people who make me smile. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I am finding that I manage to make it through each day without life altering incident and go to bed at night satisfied with the current ebb and flow of my life.

Silver linings:

While my previous relationship did not result in a life long marriage as anticipated, the ending of it did teach me a lot about what I can and cannot accept from my partner and showed me that I deserve to be treated with respect and honesty and no less. 

Maybe I am not going to be a mommy, not now anyway, but thinking that I was going to has shown me that at some point I do want a family of my own, including a little rug rat with all my attitude (and maybe all this frizzy red hair, haha!). But I can wait for that. For when the time is just right.

I miss my Gammy terribly. But she lived a long life (88 years) and now she is no longer suffering. She is with my Papa, the love of her life.

Life is the pits sometimes. That's OK. Things change. We adapt. Just keep swimming and all that.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Oh baby you, you got what I neeeeeeed

I’ve said it once before, but it bears repeating.

I do not date my friends. I just won’t do it. I don’t mean my hardly acquaintance friends, or friends of friends; I mean the guys that I consider to be someone I can confide in, someone I can count on, someone that knows me on a deeper level than the norm. You shouldn’t take it personally, it isn’t any reflection on you as a person. You are not lacking some crucial component that would otherwise make you date worthy to me. It’s just that I keep my friendships and my romantic relationships separate. Really separate, like a masking tape line down the center of a room separate. You stay on that side!

All of your arguments as to why we should be together are invalid.

I know, I know, we get along sooooo well. We like the same things. We are both reasonably good looking and our children would be gorgeous and hilarious and genius….. but no. Just no. Your penis could be dipped in gold and the sun could shine out of your ass and it wouldn't matter. Well, it might matter; But do you see how I am taking this to the extreme to prove a point here? It’s just not gonna happen.  And if you feel the need to keep reminding me that you want more than what I am willing to give, I will probably start distancing myself from you.

I tried it one time; Getting romantically involved with someone I considered to be a friend. A best friend even. It worked out really really well. If by really well you mean that we don’t even make eye contact in public anymore. It definitely makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Warm and fuzzy and tempted to vomit.

I’ve found myself in a situation where I feel the need to make feelings clear, again. I don’t really enjoy repeating myself.  But here we go.


No. The end.