Friday, August 26, 2011

I was wrong about Harry Potter taking over the world

Praying Mantises, or Mantid, or Manti.... or however your want to convey that there are MANY, are taking over the world. Not Harry Potter, as I previously believed.

I know that you will say that a Praying Mantis is not going to murder me in my sleep. It is not going to eat me. It probably won't do anything scary, or noteworthy at all for that matter. They are a slow moving, big eyed, weird looking bug.... but not menacing. Hearing your reassuring words about how harmless they are is not going to prevent me from freaking the fuck out when one gets too close to me. I read that the biggest Praying Mantis recorded was 18" and found in China.  18 inches????  That is HUGE. That is definitely big enough to do this:

The females eat the heads of the males after mating, for fucks sake!!!  They are ruthless killing machines! Kinda badass, if you ask me, but still not something I wanna get all close and cuddly with.

I am 30 years old. 30 and a half if you want to get technical about it. My point in mentioning that is not so you feel bad for me because I am old, but to simply point out that I have been on the earth for a minute or two and I have experienced and seen lots of things.  Of those many things that I have seen, there are Praying Mantids included. But up until about a month ago, I could probably count on both hands and feet how many I had ever seen in my entire life. Less then 20 Praying Mantids in 30 whole years.

In the last month though.... I have seen at least 10. 10 Praying Mantids in 30 DAYS... not years. The first one was walking very slowly, and purposefully across my garage floor towards my car tire. I watched if for a while until it crawled into my wheel, behind the hubcap. I felt a little bad for it because I knew I would be getting in my car shortly and leaving, and it would be mush. But I didn't feel bad enough about it to actually risk getting close to it to stop it from certain death. I am a bitch, I know.

The other 9 that I have seen were all at work. I am actually starting to wonder if the office is built on top of some ancient Praying Mantis burial site, and the pissed off spirits of Praying Mantids past are out to scare me off. It's WORKING!

This one was chilling in my mini blinds.... thinking he was stealthy. I got rid of him using my trusty pink broom.

Hanging upside down. Displaying your circus tricks will not convince me to let you live on my stacker. Nice try! Pink broom for you!

The others have all been lurking around outside by the door, waiting for the opportunity to get in. Three mornings this week I have arrived at work to find one sitting by the door.  I know that it isn't the same one, because they have been different sizes. 

Today, a Praying Mantis tried to kill me. Yes, it's true. I was sitting at my desk, doing data entry, or something equally exciting and soul-sucking, when a Praying Mantis landed (Or swooped purposefully, the jury is till out on this) in my hair. As you can probably imagine, I reacted in a calm, and sane manner.

I was terrified. Luckily, it only took me about 6 hard, flailing whacks to my own head to dislodge the beast from my hair and onto the ground. It was stunned, and I took this opportunity to use pink broom to sweep it outside.

Seriously, where are all of these guys coming from??? Why have I seen so many more recently than I have seen my entire life combined? Most of them seem small and harmless, but today's attack was unprovoked! This is war, Praying Mantids! Consider yourself warned....

 Don't make me start bringing my sword to work!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

So many things!! I have been a major slacker

I have been neglecting my blog!

There has been so much stuff going on lately. Lemme see if I can sum it all up for you.....

I have had some ridiculous work drama going on. I am being micromanaged to the point of insanity. It is a chore to get out of bed every day and make myself go to work. It's so strange because I used to really enjoy my job.  It only takes one person to really ruin things for everyone else. *Sigh*.... at least the evil witchy poo is on a 3 year plan out of here. Only 36 months and I will be FREE!!!!

Deana and I are hoping to move into a 3 bedroom place around the first of the year. We really like our townhouse and are super happy with the location, but it kinda sucks to not have an extra bedroom for guests or.... I don't know, maybe I'll get tired of my bed and want to sleep in the 3rd bedroom. I like having options! Her brother and his wife are moving to Sacramento and are going to rent us their house. It will be nice to have a yard and stuff. And I am pretty sure they will let us paint the walls any color we want... unlike our boring beige paint nazi landlord that we have now. It's win win really, because they won't have to worry about strangers renting their house, and Deana and I save money. Woohoo!!

I've got a man!! I am so happy I could burst and get little squishy happy bits on all of you. I was kind of a dumb ass (by kind of a dumb ass, I really mean SERIOUSLY a dumb ass) and avoided dating him for awhile. Why? Well that is an excellent question. Because....... well dumb ass really sums it up. The good news is that, he was pretty persistent, and didn't totally give up on me.  I finally decided to just stop worrying about things and go for it and that was a really really good decision. He is great! And handsome! And a really good kisser.... which could be why I have been so absent lately. I have been way too busy kissing my handsome boyfriend :D

I have been really slacking at the gym lately. Mostly because it is hard to stay motivated and excited about exercise when I was going 5 (yes, that's right, FIVE) nights a week after work to the gym and lost exactly 0 pounds. I was even eating healthier at the same time. Discouraged is an understatement. When I saw my doctor the other day (I went for my migraines) I mentioned to her that I was really struggling to lose weight and told her my routine. She is going to run some labs on me, and thinks that I possibly have an out of whack thyroid.  If  that is the case, it can be regulated with medication and then hopefully I can try this whole weight loss thing again. Back to the gym I go!!

Life is good. I am a happy girl. I promise to keep up with the blogging. If I start getting too behind, throw something at me or something.

Oh!! One more thing!! "Don't be afraid of the Dark" starts on Friday!!!! I cannot wait to see this movie. I will be sure to let you all know how amazing it is.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Insane in the brain!

I am getting ready to head to a doctors appointment so I can get some answers as to why I am having a shit-ton of migraines lately. Yes, Shit-ton is a medical technical term.

And hopefully I will feel all better!!
This picture is super fitting today because I have seen about a gazillion Praying Mantids (I looked it up, that is actually the plural term for Praying Mantis) in the last few weeks. Weird.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

La la la!

I want to quit my job. I wanna do it soooooo bad. I almost walked in this morning and said "Suck it assholes, I am OUTTA HERE!", and marched right back out again. But then I remembered my rent. Stupid rent, ruining all my fun!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What the.....

Is Harry Potter taking over the world?!  I ventured on to Tumblr.....

**Side note: Tumblr is a strange universe where all the emo kids on the planet meet and post the same "Woe-is-me" gifs over and over and OVER again. All they want to do is sit around and re-blog (obviously it has never occurred to any of them to actually post something original) about how no one loves them, and life is sooooo hard and maybe they should just kill themselves.

Taken directly from tumblr....

Good lord. Of course no one is ever going to love you if you can't get your pasty ass outside and get some fresh air and sunshine. It's pretty much scientific fact that tan people are more lovable than non-tan people. Step away from the computer sad emo kid.

Anywho... Harry Potter. Holy cow. Seriously, at least 98% of the content on Tumblr is Harry Potter related.  They should put a sticker on their server that says "Powered by Potter".

I am not trying to be a Harry Potter hater, but it baffles my mind.  Did Harry Potter cure cancer while I wasn't looking? (Oh wait, that was Bono). I don't understand the obsession. I tried, my boyfriend and I even had a mini Harry Potter marathon a couple weekends ago. It wasn't really planned, we were just too lazy to find anything else on TV and they were having a marathon on ABC family or something. We both kept saying "Gosh, this is like the longest movie ever", until we realized that we were actually on movie #3.

*scratches head*

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and makes that duck face.....

It's probably a hooker.

If I do not understand something, I tend to immediately dislike it ;p  I definitely do not understand the duckface trend. It's like an epidemic. It's spreading across Facebook. Make sure and sanitize regularly or you may catch this awful face disease.

What are we trying to say with this face, ladies?  Are your teeth bad? Does something smell yucky? Do you need to poop?

Whatever happened to smiling for pictures? Smiling makes you seem happy and approachable. Duckface makes you seem.... constipated.  I am going to conduct a small experiment here. I am going to take two pictures, and you tell me which one makes me seem like a nice, relatively attractive person, and which one makes me seem like an idiot. OK? Ok.

Holla!!  Ok, obviously that is not me. This poor girl came up under a search for "Duckface" in google images. 

Ok ok, my turn.  So this photo says "Well hi there! I am a super nice girl. Dental hygiene is important to me. I am happy and like rainbows and ponies and you should come talk to me and we can be frieeeeends. Yay!"

This photo says "If I smile you will see my snaggle tooth.  I am a sucked up snobby brat who needs fiber supplements to stay regular. Speaking of regular... I need to go poo now. I'm sexy!"

Please pardon my hair. Ick.

I don't really remember what my point here was. Oh yeah, duck face girls are ridiculous. Smile bitches!! :D

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Need these things

But I want to live!!!

Back in January I was making big plans to hike Half Dome at Yosemite this summer. Due to a couple of things, it hasn't happened. I am bummed because I really wanted to do it. But I figure there is always next year.

This morning I am checking out the yahoo headlines and I come across this fascinating article about how 14 (FOURTEEN!!) people have died this year on half dome.

No thank you.

I think maybe I will try out one of those rock wall thingys they have in town instead. I don't want to die.