"Liar Liar, pants on fire", we've all said it at some point right? When we were youngsters. Well, I think I used it last week... but anyway.
I am not going to sit here and say that I have never told a lie. I have. But as I have matured, and become a grown up (sorta, I am a work in progress), I have discovered that there are very very few situations where a lie is a better option than the truth. I will still probably sugar coat certain things, like telling you I really like your new hair do, when I really do not. Why would I do that? Well, because for one thing, you are probably my friend and I don't want to hurt your feelings. For another, even if I said "Whoa bitch, your hair is scurrrrry", it's a bit late now to fix it, right?
I think honesty in a relationship is oh so very important. How can you expect someone to trust you when everything that comes out of your mouth is fabricated nonsense??
Obviously I have been thinking about this because I recently found myself in a situation where I was being lied to (badly) by someone I really wanted to trust. Someone I cared about. And it was the dumbest thing to lie about. This guy that I was sort of seeing casually brought along another girl to a group thing. He was adamant about the fact that they were "Just friends". He must have said it to me about 80 times that night. He also enthusiastically pointed out that she was married. I think he even said that a couple times too. All of it was very over the top actually. I didn't really care all that much. The way I saw it was, this guy is not my boyfriend, I have no say at all what he does with his time and who he spends it with.... so whatev.
I didn't think much about that girl again until about two weeks later when I was at the guys house. I was standing next to his dresser (so obviously in his bedroom) and noticed a necklace laying there inside one of the candle holders. I made some joke about his girly jewelry. He proceeded to act like he had no idea where it had come from. Made up some bullshizz story about how it must have belonged to the last girl he dated a long time ago. The funny thing is that I knew exactly who it belonged to, his married "friend" that I met. I know it was hers because I told her I liked it and complimented her on it that night. It was actually a hideous horse shoe shaped necklace... remember what I said earlier about sugar coating things? Well I was trying to be polite and make conversation :p
Instead of pointing out the fact that I knew he was lying to me, I just let it go. Again, not my boyfriend, not my property. I don't really care if he wants to spend the night with other girls. Girls who are just his friends. Girls who leave their ugly jewelry at his house. But what really bothered me was that he couldn't just be honest about it with me. He couldn't be honest when he brought her along, lied about being just friends, lied about her being married (because she is technically married, but clearly a hooker who steps out on her husband... or maybe they have one of those crazy open marriages... I don't know. But either way, she is not married in the sense that he wanted me to believe) and lied about not knowing who's necklace it was.
Well, that was about 3 lies too many for me. So I gracefully bowed out of that situation. I stopped calling, stopped texting. Stopped making an effort. Why would I, at that point? I was hoping that he and I could remain friends. I wasn't mad at him. I just can't date a liar.
What's funny is that now that I have moved on, found a great guy and I am happy, liar thinks he has somehow been wronged. Like I wasn't supposed to see anyone else. I wasn't supposed to find someone who makes me happy without treating me like a dumb idiot. Well, sorry that I didn't wait around for you to treat me any worse than you already had. I hope you feel vindicated in unfriending me on Facebook. That really taught me a lesson. You win ;)
Lame..Lame Lame. I love it when people lie about STUPID Stuff! Its almost comical. The fact that you just moved on is just more proof that you are becoming an adult. I am working on this too..even being married by almost 13 years and 3 children..I still need to be more of an adult.ReplyDelete
Good Luck with the new guy!