Thursday, July 28, 2011

How to succeed at having a kick ass houseboat weekend without really trying

Not this past weekend, but the weekend before..... holy crap, did anyone else just start singing that jump rope song in their head???


Anywho.... the weekend of the 15th a group of friends and I rented a houseboat. It was super crazy fun. I think that it was such a good time because we had the perfect group of people. There was no complaining, no drama, no overly drunk awfullness. Just enough silliness to keep us talking about it for a long time. Since the weekend was such a success, I have prepared for you a visual guide to creating the perfect houseboat weekend:

1) Invite these bitches. Why? Cause we are awesome and fun. AND, all of them with the exception of moi, have some giant boobies that can double as a flotation devices if need be. Safety first people.

2) Find a cool, secluded spot to park your houseboat. Lots of space is needed for optimal floating.

3) Get a mascot. This is Penelope. She really really liked cheeze-its.

4) Beer!!!  Duh.  I'm speaking from experience here when I say that 110 beers is not enough for 9 people. We tried.  That was only enough for one day. 

5) Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Just cause you are in the water all day does not mean that you don't have to soap up your junk and wash your greasy hair.

6) Candace. And her yellow sunshine bathing suit. You just need it on your houseboat trip. Trust me. She came with her own beer, no need to purchase extra.

7) Handsome men..... you need those too.  I am going to recommend a more balanced ratio of males to females though. Our men were seriously out numbered. Poor guys.

8) Proper eye protective wear is a must. The sunshine gleaming off the water all day can be hard on the eyeballs.

9) Dancing! Houseboat dancing. Yeah....

10) Have a trusted captain. Ours was seasoned with a whole ten minutes of practice before we left the marina. The hat makes her look official.

11) Vegetables. They are important. You wouldn't want to end up with scurvy or something. Isn't that what pirates got from not eating fruits and vegetables?  

12) Bring extra blankets. If you forget yours, you are going to end up sharing a bunk with someone you weren't prepared to share a bunk with..... like these two love birds.

13) You must jump off the roof of the houseboat. You have not had a successful houseboat weekend without reckless acts of immaturity.

14) Personal watercraft. Because it's FUN. I just wanna go fast!!!

15) Making out. Mmmmhmmm. Do it.

16) Life jackets. So trendy and fashionable.Say hi to our model, Lisa.

17) BBQing. Yum! Don't let me cook though. I know I look like a master chef here.... but seriously hot dogs are about the only thing I was willing to attempt with confidence that I wouldn't ruin them. Who ruins hot dogs?

18) BIG FIRE! It helps if you bring along a master fire conjurer.

19) Relaxation. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Oh and sunscreen. Skin cancer is bad, mmkay?

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