Thursday, July 28, 2011

How to succeed at having a kick ass houseboat weekend without really trying

Not this past weekend, but the weekend before..... holy crap, did anyone else just start singing that jump rope song in their head???


Anywho.... the weekend of the 15th a group of friends and I rented a houseboat. It was super crazy fun. I think that it was such a good time because we had the perfect group of people. There was no complaining, no drama, no overly drunk awfullness. Just enough silliness to keep us talking about it for a long time. Since the weekend was such a success, I have prepared for you a visual guide to creating the perfect houseboat weekend:

1) Invite these bitches. Why? Cause we are awesome and fun. AND, all of them with the exception of moi, have some giant boobies that can double as a flotation devices if need be. Safety first people.

2) Find a cool, secluded spot to park your houseboat. Lots of space is needed for optimal floating.

3) Get a mascot. This is Penelope. She really really liked cheeze-its.

4) Beer!!!  Duh.  I'm speaking from experience here when I say that 110 beers is not enough for 9 people. We tried.  That was only enough for one day. 

5) Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Just cause you are in the water all day does not mean that you don't have to soap up your junk and wash your greasy hair.

6) Candace. And her yellow sunshine bathing suit. You just need it on your houseboat trip. Trust me. She came with her own beer, no need to purchase extra.

7) Handsome men..... you need those too.  I am going to recommend a more balanced ratio of males to females though. Our men were seriously out numbered. Poor guys.

8) Proper eye protective wear is a must. The sunshine gleaming off the water all day can be hard on the eyeballs.

9) Dancing! Houseboat dancing. Yeah....

10) Have a trusted captain. Ours was seasoned with a whole ten minutes of practice before we left the marina. The hat makes her look official.

11) Vegetables. They are important. You wouldn't want to end up with scurvy or something. Isn't that what pirates got from not eating fruits and vegetables?  

12) Bring extra blankets. If you forget yours, you are going to end up sharing a bunk with someone you weren't prepared to share a bunk with..... like these two love birds.

13) You must jump off the roof of the houseboat. You have not had a successful houseboat weekend without reckless acts of immaturity.

14) Personal watercraft. Because it's FUN. I just wanna go fast!!!

15) Making out. Mmmmhmmm. Do it.

16) Life jackets. So trendy and fashionable.Say hi to our model, Lisa.

17) BBQing. Yum! Don't let me cook though. I know I look like a master chef here.... but seriously hot dogs are about the only thing I was willing to attempt with confidence that I wouldn't ruin them. Who ruins hot dogs?

18) BIG FIRE! It helps if you bring along a master fire conjurer.

19) Relaxation. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Oh and sunscreen. Skin cancer is bad, mmkay?

If your pants would actually catch on fire, that would be swell. Thanks.

"Liar Liar, pants on fire", we've all said it at some point right? When we were youngsters. Well, I think I used it last week... but anyway.

I am not going to sit here and say that I have never told a lie. I have. But as I have matured, and become a grown up (sorta, I am a work in progress), I have discovered that there are very very few situations where a lie is a better option than the truth. I will still probably sugar coat certain things, like telling you I really like your new hair do, when I really do not. Why would I do that? Well, because for one thing, you are probably my friend and I don't want to hurt your feelings. For another, even if I said "Whoa bitch, your hair is scurrrrry", it's a bit late now to fix it, right?

I think honesty in a relationship is oh so very important. How can you expect someone to trust you when everything that comes out of your mouth is fabricated nonsense??

Obviously I have been thinking about this because I recently found myself in a situation where I was being lied to (badly) by someone I really wanted to trust. Someone I cared about.  And it was the dumbest thing to lie about. This guy that I was sort of seeing casually brought along another girl to a group thing. He was adamant about the fact that they were "Just friends". He must have said it to me about 80 times that night.  He also enthusiastically pointed out that she was married. I think he even said that a couple times too.  All of it was very over the top actually. I didn't really care all that much.  The way I saw it was, this guy is not my boyfriend, I have no say at all what he does with his time and who he spends it with.... so whatev.

I didn't think much about that girl again until about two weeks later when I was at the guys house. I was standing next to his dresser (so obviously in his bedroom) and noticed a necklace laying there inside one of the candle holders. I made some joke about his girly jewelry. He proceeded to act like he had no idea where it had come from. Made up some bullshizz story about how it must have belonged to the last girl he dated a long time ago.  The funny thing is that I knew exactly who it belonged to, his married "friend" that I met. I know it was hers because I told her I liked it and complimented her on it that night. It was actually a hideous horse shoe shaped necklace... remember what I said earlier about sugar coating things? Well I was trying to be polite and make conversation :p

Instead of pointing out the fact that I knew he was lying to me, I just let it go. Again, not my boyfriend, not my property. I don't really care if he wants to spend the night with other girls. Girls who are just his friends. Girls who leave their ugly jewelry at his house. But what really bothered me was that he couldn't just be honest about it with me. He couldn't be honest when he brought her along, lied about being just friends, lied about her being married (because she is technically married, but clearly a hooker who steps out on her husband... or maybe they have one of those crazy open marriages... I don't know. But either way, she is not married in the sense that he wanted me to believe) and lied about not knowing who's necklace it was.

Well, that was about 3 lies too many for me.  So I gracefully bowed out of that situation. I stopped calling, stopped texting. Stopped making an effort. Why would I, at that point? I was hoping that he and I could remain friends. I wasn't mad at him. I just can't date a liar.

What's funny is that now that I have moved on, found a great guy and I am happy, liar thinks he has somehow been wronged. Like I wasn't supposed to see anyone else. I wasn't supposed to find someone who makes me happy without treating me like a dumb idiot.  Well, sorry that I didn't wait around for you to treat me any worse than you already had.  I hope you feel vindicated in unfriending me on Facebook. That really taught me a lesson. You win ;)

It's a bird! It's a Plane!..... oh wait......

I left the front door open when I got to work (early, 7:00am) this morning since it was so nice outside. As I was listening to the messages on my voice-mail I noticed something fly in through the door out of the corner of my eye. It was a dragonfly.  Normally I am not afraid of dragonflies.  I don't think they hurt you and they are kind of pretty.  When I think of dragonflies, I think of this:

Awwwwwwwwww ;)

But this dragonfly was different. It. Was. BIG. And swooping.  Like a murderous pterodactyl!!!

It wanted to eat me.  So I did the only reasonable thing to do..... I dropped my phone, fell out of my swivel chair (is this workers comp??) and scrambled down the hallway to the bathroom, seeking refuge from the prehistoric beast! I'm pretty sure it shrieked, or hissed, or something. It was awful :(

I managed to collect my wits and arm myself with my pink broom and headed back out to my desk to see if I could steer the monster back towards, and hopefully out, the door. Luckily for me it only took 3 hysterical swoops with my broom to convince it to leave.  *hmph!* Goodbye and good riddance!

Thank goodness no one was around to witness my sissy la-la shame this morning. I acted a crazy fool. But in my defense, the thing was GIGANTIC.  It could have easily picked me up and carted me off to who knows where..... pterodactyl island? 

P.s. Pterodactyl is a hard word to spell.... it took me about 4 tries before spell check said I finally got it right :p

Monday, July 18, 2011


I am working on two posts right now! A special treat with pics and hilariousness from my weekend houseboat adventure and a rant about what I think liars can go do (it's not nice things).

Sit tight!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I feel anxious and sweaty now. Thanks.

Sooooo, remember that post where I was all, like, "Wooooo, 980 people viewing my blog is a lot!"?

Well last month I had over 2500 views. That is much more than 980. Lots more. In case you don't believe me, ch ch ch check it out:

I had 101 views yesterday and I didn't even post anything, for crying out loud!

I started this with the intent that my friends and family would follow along with my rambling- nonsense stories and opinions. But I don't think these are all my friends and family. I don't know that many people.

I like attention. I am a bit of an attention whore. I admit it. But this actually makes me feel a little..... exposed. I know, I know, it's a public blog.... but I just didn't honestly think that people read it, haha!!

Now I am going to hide.....

Until the next post, of course. Oh don't worry.... I'll be over this shyness/embarrassment in a jiffy ;)

Ohhhhhh shit! Get your towels ready. It's about to go down!

Oh yes, it is almost that time!!!

There will be burgers and flippy floppies and T-Pain! Ok, maybe not T-Pain. But it's still gonna be suuuuuuuuuper fun. It will also not be a yacht on the ocean... it's gonna be a smallish old houseboat on Shasta Lake, but whatever, the party is what you make it!!

Friday, July 8, 2011


I cannot seem to get the phrase, "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades" out of my head.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I can die happy now

I am sending a letter to youtube. I am going to complain that they must have been hiding this video from me. There is just no excuse good enough that I have not seen it before today.

It's my two very favorite male singers, singing a song that I love. *Joy!* I think it might have even made me a little teary.

Here are two of my favs from these guys:

Together= just amazing!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My 4th of July weekend- In pictures!

Camera phones are pretty much the greatest invention EVER.  Deana got drunk and smashed my camera on the ground in a fit of rage (maybe, who knows why she really did it :p) almost a year ago. Since then I have had good intentions of purchasing a new camera. Every time I go and look around though, I am discouraged with how expensive they are. Ok, they aren't really THAT expensive... I am just a miser with my money.  Lately though, I have found that I don't miss my camera all that much because I have my phone, which in a pinch, captures all the hilarity around me, AND will post it instantly to the internet for all to see. Magic!

I was tasked with watching my parent's dogs this weekend while they are out of town visiting my brother and sister in Boise Idaho.  I don't mind, I love the dogs. In fact, one of them used to be my dog. Not that you would know it now. She is a traitor.  Toby and Roxy. Very good dogs, but very loyal to their humans. So loyal that if allowed to do so, they will sit in the driveway and patiently wait for my parents to come home. The last time I dog sat, it was pouring down rain and dark outside and Roxy refused to come in where it was warm and eat her food. So I had to play hide and seek with her, in the rain and mud, in the dark with a flashlight for almost an hour. 5 acres is bigger than it sounds when looking for a small, weasel like dog. At least this time we stayed dry.

Since Deana was camping at Hat Creek this weekend, I decided to take my birdies with me to my parents house so they wouldn't get lonely. They love the dogs, and the dogs, surprisingly enough, do not mind them. They run around on the floor and the dogs just look at them like they are a nuisance, but never move to injure them.

Checking things out


Oscar stealing my egg and toast. Ponder that a moment.....

Friday afternoon I went over to my sister's house (she lives on the same property as my parents, so it's a very short walk) and highlighted her hair for her. Deana brought the girls over and my niece and nephew where there. It was a hair highlighting, break dancing, pool party!

Hehehehe, I told her this would end up on the internet!


TA-DA!! I am a pro!

Break dancing in the living room! One of them is getting served.... but I don't know who

Like Danny needs caffeine :p Love my pickle!

Skye and Annabelle <3

Chayse is the biggest cheese ever!

 Grrrrrrr..... it will not let me rotate this picture :/

Saturday afternoon, I headed up to Hat Creek for a little while to hang out with Deana and her family. Sadly, no pictures of this. My phone gets zero cell service there, so it stayed in the car and acted worthless. Chris, Jen, Deana and I, oh and all the girlies (Jessica, Madison, and Skye) took a walk over to the Subway Caves. It's not really as exciting as I was hoping for. It was dark, and cold. The cold was actually refreshing since it was so hot outside. Interesting, but I left feeling a little underwhelmed. After a couple hours, I headed for home. 

That night, my friend Ryan came over and we decided to go flying. He has a plane, a small one, and I have never been in a small plane.... so even though I warned him that I would probably throw up allllll over his plane, we went! 
Getting ready!

I was kind of nervous

All smiles because I wasn't barfy yet. Mostly because we were still on the ground.

I had it ready, but happily never had to use it! 

My hair did not love taxi-ing. I was glad to be on the ground again.

Once we landed and had the plane all tucked away in it's hanger, Ryan discovered that he could not find his cell phone. So we walked, a lot, all over that stupid airport looking for it. We even took flashlights and walked up and down the runway searching for it. Strangely enough, security never came and asked us what we were doing out there at 11:00 at night. I could have been a terrorist planting bombs at the Redding Airport and they could care less. Redding Airport=Fail.  We finally gave up on the cell phone and went home.  Luckily, first thing the next morning Ryan got an email from someone saying they turned in his cell phone at the Jet Center.  Well, he saw the email first thing in the morning..... it had been sent at 8pm the night before. So we basically spent 3 hours walking our feet off for nothing. Lame. But I am glad that he got his phone back. And flying was AMAZING.

Sunday my new swimsuit and I headed to the lake!  I went to Whiskeytown with some friends. The water was nice, and my floaty and beer made for a perfect day.  BBQ'd later that night and then played in the water some more in their pool. I played chicken for the first time in about 15 years. It was a Patron fueled decision. I lost every time :p

 Stupid sideways pictures..... yay new swimsuit!

Those kids had squirt guns and they really liked to use them in my direction!

I am not going to lie... I felt like an old person when I woke up yesterday morning. My whole body hurt :p  I hung out with my sister for a little bit in the late morning. We got our floaties out and relaxed in mom and dads pool. And then I got ready and headed out for Mt. Shasta. 4th of July is my friend Heather's birthday. And not just any birthday this year, but her 30th birthday!!!  Her family has a cabin (when I heard this I imagined a little shack on the mountain somewhere..... the place is bigger than my house and GORGEOUS!) in Mt. Shasta and they were having a big day of BBQ and games before heading to watch the fireworks. Duh, of course I am going to go! There was food, friends, lots of little dogs, Bocce Ball (of which I am an awful player) and badminton, oh and drinks!And then there were fireworks!!

 She is pregnant. All she wanted to do was smell my drink :p Maybe next time she will think twice before getting knocked up over her 30th birthday! Haha.

 View from the cabin

 Badminton! Heather and I played next. In dresses even.

 Charlene, my Bocce Ball partner

 Birthday girl!!

 The dogs wanted to play too!

 No caption needed for this. Hehehehe! :p

No more booze for these ladies

See those balls farthest from where they are supposed to be?? Those would be mine.

 My oldest friend. Not just cause she is old now, but we met in daycare when we were 4 years old :)

 I am seriously throwing this camera phone out the window.....

 Coco!!!  Cutest dog EVER.

Perfect end to a perfect day. Henry and his Momma watching the fireworks!

It was a great weekend with great friends!!!!
On a sad note, my great uncle Wally passed away on Friday night. He was such an amazing man. He will be greatly missed. I am sure that he is happy and causing some trouble right now with my papa :)

My papa in the center and Uncle Wally on the right of him :)

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend with friends and loved ones!