Chains and whips excite her..... *barf*

I went to lunch with my mom the other day and there was a woman sitting in the booth next to us. My mom had her back to the woman, but I could see her clearly. She was.... large. And in charge. And she had this hideous pink hair. She reminded me of Hatchet Face from that movie "Cry Baby", which is a GREAT movie for those of you who have not seen it.

Maybe it isn't that great, and maybe I just love it for Johnny Depp..... it's entirely possible. Mmmmmmm.  But I digress.....

Anywho, so this woman was sitting there, shoveling food into her giant face, and chewing with her mouth open. She was having some ridiculous conversation with her male companion (who was very small. Why do small scrawny guys dig jabba the hut sized women??) and had the voice of a dude. Isaac Hays' voice was coming out of this woman's body.

So basically, she looked EXACTLY like this:

I'm actually pretty proud of myself for this ;)

So as delicate princess pink hair hatchet face was inhaling her meal, her cell phone rang. Now there are a whole lot of songs I could have imagined come out of her cell phone as a ring tone, but nothing quite prepared me for Rihanna. Not just any Rihanna song, oh no, it was "S&M". 

Sweet Jesus.

I know... I am going to hell for this post. I am just saying what you all would have thought while sitting there and witnessing that train wreck. You're welcome!!