Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Baby fever!

Is pregnancy contagious all of a sudden? EVERY girl I know seems to be pregnant or just had a baby or is trying to make a baby. Is there something in the water?? I need you all to make sure and stay faaaaaaaaaaar away from me.

The only good thing about the fact that I am currently a crazed PMS monster is that I am fairly certain (by fairly certain, I mean 200% certain) it means I am not pregnant. It makes me, like, the opposite of pregnant.  And if I recall correctly there is an important thing that needs to happen in order to make a baby.... sex. 

Yeah, 200% certain.

I've never had a "scare" in my life. Know why? Cause I take my birth control like clockwork. Every single day at the same time. I never miss a day. Ever. I've had the flu before, taken my pill, been sick and just to be sure, taken another pill. I am serious about preventing pregnancy. Girls who say stupid shit like, "Oops, I forgot to take my pill", or "I could never remember to take something every day" baffle me. You may as well be trying to get pregnant if that is how careful you are about preventing it.  You remember to brush your teeth, right? Remember to put your underwear on this morning? It's not rocket science. Dumb bitches.

At least I can happily report that none of the girls that I know that are currently pregnant or just squeezed out a kid are saying "Oops, I really should have tried that Plan B"...... They are all so happy and glowing and making my ovaries hurt.

Congrats to all my friends. Thanks for having babies and populating the earth, so that I don't have to ;)

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