Friday, April 29, 2011

Will work for slightly more than peanuts and the occasional pat on the head. Willing to travel.

Tiiiiiiiiiiired of this job and sneaky liars who I would rather swallow razor blades than work with......

It may be time to start looking around and seeing what is out there. I have a feeling that there is a job out there where I can utilize my various talents and be appreciated. These talents include, but are not limited to:

*I am a master of the multi-line phone system.  

*I know all the lines in the movie "So I Married an Axe Murderer".

*I file like a mother fucker.

*I have an office plant that I have managed to not kill for over 3 years now!
 Actual plant. Doesn't it look happy?

*I am really good at making telemarketers/solicitors cry.

*I am VERY organized. My OCD will not allow me to be otherwise.

*I know the difference between your and you're. Also their, there, and they're. I also use them correctly in correspondence.

*I am really good at conflict resolution. Mostly because I am always right. And you are wrong. I win.

*I play well with others and I know how to share.

There are more things, probably more important things, like my managerial skills and professional demeanor (which clearly does not translate well to my blog) that I should mention.... but pshhhhh, that is what resumes are for.

So let me know if any of you cool cats know of anyone looking to hire a super cool person (me) to dramatically improve the awesome level of your workplace.

That, my friends, is self-promotion.

Awesome like a hot dog!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Wait a minute Mr. Postman.....

This is my horoscope today:

This day will be full of unique events that will inspire your creativity. Write out your feelings -- in a letter to yourself, to someone you're trying to get to know better, or to someone who's getting on your last nerve. You have a wonderful way with words, and an eloquent letter could be just what's needed to resolve a difficult situation. Your message will help clarify a path forward -- and will illuminate the necessary next steps.

I have been told that I am very articulate, and I enjoy being able to effectively express myself. Unfortunately, lately I feel like I have a hard time conveying a coherent thought without sounding stupid.  I end up tongue tied and at a loss for words in situations where I would normally have no problem saying what I think.  Maybe letters will help....

Dear car, 
Please, for the love of baby Jesus, stop squealing like pig. I feel like I am announcing my arrival to the entire world, "Im HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEE!!".  I imagine that my neighbors hate me in the morning. They probably think to themselves, "Ugh, it's that bitch and her noisy car again". I don't blame them, I think the same thing to myself when I hear the neighbor with the stupid loud bass at ungodly hours of the night. Jerk.  It's embarrassing.  I feel like I take good care of you; I keep you lubed and clean (well, I know you need a bath right now, but I know the second I wash you it will rain) and serviced on a regular basis. I just see no need for this level of insubordination at all. Knock it off, or you are headed straight to the junkyard. 

Dear body,
There is no need whatsoever for you to continue to cling to every last pound that you can like you are in preparation of the long sleep of a hibernating bear.  Winter is over.  In fact, summer will be upon us soon and I will be required to wear a bathing suit (traditional uniform of lake goers).  It would be great if I didn't have to purchase the moo-moo version of said bathing suit. I am not asking for anything crazy here, I don't need a teeny tiny string bikini.... but to not look like a heifer in my modest one piece would be swell.  I exercise, I eat a moderately healthy diet, you could help a sista out here. Maybe if you think fond thoughts about my pre age 25 days, back when you had a metabolism worth a shit, you will feel inspired to shed some pounds.  Try it out, alright?

Dear birds, 
Stop pooping everywhere. That is all.

Dear friends,
Stop being jerks.  Of course this does not apply to all of you, some of you are pretty freaking amazing. But a couple of you lately are making me want to pull my hair out.  The last time I checked, being friends with someone is NOT the same thing as being in a relationship with someone. I do not have to check in with you. I do not need to tell you what I am doing at all times. Just because we go a few weeks without talking doesn't mean that we are less friends now then when we talk everyday. In fact, I have some friends that I only see once a year that I would consider better friends than some of the ones that I see weekly. Friends are supposed to make you happy, make you smile, make you feel secure and included. But the day they start giving me heartburn, is the day I start forgetting to call back. Oops.  

Dear boys,
I am done with the games. I am a pretty cool chick.  I am intelligent, I am sometimes funny, and I believe myself to be slightly better than average looking (I am working on it, see above letter to body).  I am not a great cook, but there are a handful of things that I make really well.  I try to smell nice.  Yes, I can be a little loud, a little in your face... but I make up for it by also being a really good kisser.  I also have an excellent movie/music library that I will happily grant you access to. I am totally worth your time, so instead of regretting it later when I have given up on you, pull your head out and take a breath. Smell that? It's me. Nice huh?

Dear job,
Please stop sucking out my soul. There are bills to pay and because of that I continue to show up to you every day. I remember a time when I liked going to visit you. I woke up with a smile on my face and couldn't wait to spend the day with people that I genuinely liked and respected. Lately the thought of going to work with one certain person is enough to make me lay in bed and consider what sort of illness I can pretend to have in order to stay home. Is work related depression covered by workers comp?  I am pretty sure that I can cash out my retirement and live out the rest of my life in Thailand.  I love thai food, so it seems like a win win.  I will send postcards to everyone.  

Dear dishwasher,
If you do not start satisfactorily cleaning the dishes, I am going to take a bat to you, office space style. I know that was a fax machine, but you get the idea. Don't make me fuck you up.

Hugs & Kisses,

P.s. Look at me.... no pictures, no smileys. I almost feel like a big girl.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Your enthusiam is flattering, but knock it off already!

I do believe I have my very own internet stalker!!  I am not referring to my friends with whom I have a relationship or a history with who like to follow me around on the internet to see what kind of shenanigans I have gotten myself into.... but like an honest to goodness almost stranger who has taken a very enthusiastic interest in all things Becky.  It's a little bit..... creepy.  I imagine that this song plays over and over in this persons head.

I actually like that song. Or I used to. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

I hope ya'll had an excellent Easter, filled with candy and eggs and giant bunnies and no real understanding of why the day is important at all!

Friday, April 22, 2011

You ever hear a song and think, "Yeah, exactly"?

Oh Guster..... get out of my head! 

Sorry we party

I should preface this entire post by saying that I am not 21 anymore. I am an old, dried up, drinks hot tea and takes a multivitamin, 30 year old. I can no longer hang. Sometimes I like to pretend that I can, and I do retarded things like buy tickets to a concert that is over an hour away from me on a weeknight. I am a silly silly girl (old lady).

Deana, Kurt and I left Redding at about 6:00 and started the oh-so-entertaining drive to ChicoooOOOooo.  There was a lot of traffic. I don't really understand why, or where everyone was going.  It was a Thursday night. Anywho, as more evidence that I am an old relic.... my bladder must already be starting to fail me. I couldn't even make it to Chico without a potty break.... thank goodness for truck stops. It might have had something to do with the GIANT rockstar I was drinking on the way.

Funniest thing said while on the road... I was telling them about the not-very-good tortilla soup I had at CR Gibbs for lunch and Deana says "Well it wasn't good because they aren't mexican". You're right, Deana; only mexicans are able to make passable mexican food.  Good thing she is a mexican, or I would have called her a racist. Actually, I think I did anyway. To which she replied with something like "I can say what I want, they are my people". Hahahaha! 

Second funniest thing said while on the road..... "Becky has the cleanest trunk I have ever seen".  Yep, that's right.

If I have never mentioned it before, I struggle with anxiety.  To the point of anxiety attacks where I can hardly breathe and almost completely shut down, retreating to a dark quiet place to attempt to level out. Driving in Chico does it to me every time. Something about all the one way streets and oblivious "I own the world" college students who seem to time it just right to jump out in front of your car on purpose.  I almost ran over a handful of them while circling the block attempting to find a parking space.

It was a good thing that we managed to get there (no thanks to smart phone GPS, btw) and find a parking spot, because I was already starting to tremble a little and was breathing harder than normal.  For reals, it is scary stuff and not how I would have preferred to start the night. Once my car was safely parked and locked, I felt much much better.

I LOVE the Senator.  The place is a total dump, much along the lines of how the Cascade was before they revamped it.  I like the stained walls, I like the pealing wallpaper. I especially like that the place is small enough that no matter where you end up sitting, upstairs or down, you will still have a good view.

We found Mitch and Alyssa and more importantly... found beers!  (heck yes for $4 pale ales at a concert!)

The first band, Royal Bliss, was actually really good.  And I am always jealous of rocker guys with nicer hair than me.  Another thing you may not know about me, I have a totally irrational love of bass players. They don't even have to be good looking. If they play the bass, and play it well (I have standards) there is a good chance my clothes will just fall off.  It's pretty much out of my control.  Royal Bliss had a good bass player, who also happened to be not so hard on the eyes.

Next up was a band called The Envy. I dunno, they were alright. A little heavy on the emo and new way-y keyboard sound. Entertaining, but didn't seem to go with the rest of show.  I am pretty sure the lead singer had on more makeup than I did.


Their drummer reminds me of Carrot Top.  I am not hating, us gingers need to stick together. But for reals.... Carrot Top, right??

It was a fun show!!  Hinder was great!!  There was this really strange girl standing next to Kurt, who really seemed to like him, and was under the impression that he must have been "with" me, because oh man, she was giving me hella stink eye! Haha, silly girl. Get his number, I don't care :p  When we finally wandered out onto the streets of Chico in search of food, it was about 11:30.  We made a quick pit stop at the Pita Pit (Where I accidentally, I swear, exposed some poor girl with her pants down to the entire restaurant when I opened the bathroom door, which she had not locked!) and then headed for home.  I barely managed to stay awake, luckily I had the soothing sounds of Deana and Kurt's dueling snoring to keep me entertained. Thanks guys for staying awake and keeping me company!! :p

Rolled into Redding at about 1:15, dropped Kurt off and headed for home.  I think I finally crawled into bed at about 1:45 and passed out shortly after 2am.  I was not super thrilled when my alarm went off at 6:45 this morning!!

All in all, I feel like it was a fairly tame trip to Chico, as far as past experiences go.  I can sum up the majority of my adventures in chico by saying these things: Breaking down in the car, drunken stiletto throwing, chick fights (that bitch totally deserved to be punched), mechanical bull riding (resulting in wicked black and blue bruises), bar crawls, midnight parking lot hula hooping, Guy Peirce, puking, and tofurky dogs.  Ahhhh, good times.

Til next time, Chico....

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Good day, sunshine!!

It's amazing what a somewhat good nights sleep, a little sunshine, and some flowers have done for my state of mind today.
Now getting geared up to go see Hinder in Chico with some good friends. Should be an amazing night!!  And looking forward to tomorrow night.... if it actually comes to fruition. We'll see ;)

Happy Thursday everyone!!

Sometimes bitches deserve it

Words of wisdom from my horoscope today:

"Everyone has two sides to their personality (at least), so today if someone is getting on your nerves, focus on the part of their personality that you can get along with much more peacefully. Separating the good parts of people from the bad parts will enable you to make stronger alliances and not get caught up in petty emotional soap operas. If you are forced into intense collaborations with some of these annoying folks today, make sure you keep a level head"

Sooooooo, what you are saying here is that I shouldn't smack a ho? Alright...... *sigh*

**disclaimer: Abuse is not funny. Except sometimes, like in my blog.  Besides, I can make fun because I was that bitch for years**

Unrelated.... I have new hair!!  Taking it down a notch and embracing my darker roots.Ch-ch-check it out....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Come again?

Maybe I am the oblivious one....  In my defense though, I honestly thought I had been firmly placed in the friend zone. My brain hurts.

So, now what??

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Snakes on a river trail!

I woke up bright and early this morning and decided that it seemed like a great idea to head for the river trail. I love the river trail. It gives me miles of time to clear my head and sort shit out. I was needing it this morning.  My brain is way too full of crap that I can't make sense of lately. So I headed out with my water and my headphones and a smile on my face.  About a mile in a man on a bike passes me coming from the opposite direction and says "Hey, be careful there is rattlesnake on the trail up there". I asked him how far ahead and he said just around the bend and that it was probably gone already, but to watch out. So, like a dumbass, I kept going. La la la.....  A couple minutes later I hear a noise to my right and I look over and there is the snake!!! 

And I was like, (except not a boy)
And I totally lost my fucking mind for a minute. In a panic, I spun around and attempted to run in the opposite direction. What I managed to do instead was step on a rock, roll my ankle, and fall directly onto my ass. Graceful, right? 

I flailed around like an idiot for what seemed like minutes, but was really only seconds.  I could not get up and moving fast enough it seemed. That snake was going to EAT ME!!!  I scraped my elbow, rolled around a little bit and was finally able to stand up and hurl myself as fast as possible in the opposite direction of the anaconda sized, man (read Becky) eating rattlesnake. I ran for a minute or so before the adrenaline finally wore off and I realized that I was hurting.  It sucks being old and falling and realizing that you don't just pop up and dust yourself off quick a minute like when you are 16.  I then spent the next mile hobbling back to my car like a rest home resident. My hip still hurts. You win this round, river trail.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Hot cars!

And cool rainy April nights? I really really hope that the rain holds off for the weekend. I love Kool April Nights!  

I know absolutely nothing about classic cars. Well, I really know nothing about cars in general. But what I do know is that I am able to appreciate a pretty classic as much as the next girl.  My dad had a 66 mustang when my sister and I were little and I loved that car. It needed work, a lot, but it was just so cool.  

My personal fav is the Plymouth Barracuda.  I am partial to the 1970-74 body style.

I would have sex allllll over this car.....

Unleashing my inner nerd

I am a huge nerd.

I love comic books (I just finished re-reading Death of Superman) and I love movies that are based on comic books. I am also always excited for movies with robots. There is no rational explanation for it..... I just like em. Four of my very favoritest movies are also my four favoritest comics/graphic novels:

1. Sin City
2. V for Vendetta
3. 300
4. Watchmen

Alan Moore and Frank Miller can do no wrong for me.

There are a bunch of new comic based movies coming out this year AND robot movies. I am pretty excited.  Here are a few that I can't wait to see! Click on the links and watch some super sweet trailers!

Now that is a Vampire movie I can get in to!!!! 

Ummmm... I don't know who that actor is, but if he spends the better part of the movie with no shirt on, I will be a happy girl.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Robot fights!! 

I love the Avengers!!  And I am so excited for this movie!  I can't wait until they do them all, and then what, bring em all together??? A girl can hope. "Now, Mr. Stark" :D :D :D :D :D

Oh... and I can't forget Transformers:
I know, I know, the last Transformers movie was AWFUL. But I am willing to give this next one a chance because it looks interesting, and I have a soft squishy spot in my heart for Transformers. It was my absolute favorite cartoon when I was little. Well, it was probably a toss up between Transformers and Rainbow Brite.  But they were close.

And as an honorable mention, because it has neither robots or comic book characters..... I am counting down the days till this movie comes out.  Guillermo del Toro is THE MAN!!  If you haven't seen Pans Labyrinth or The Orphanage.... go watch them right now. And then you will be as excited about this movie as I am.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I think I have just been going about this all wrong....

That ought to do it.

Brain tumors are a major bummer

I have had a migraine for the better part of 3 days.  I attempted to go to work which resulted in projectile vomiting and room spinning. I felt like I was dying.  Oh, and just as a warning to you, do not google image search the word "dying", it  is way more emo universe than you are prepared for. I wanted to cut myself after that little trip down the information super highway. And I am too scared to google vomit.

So, anyway, I attempted to go to work, but really only made a round trip from my bed to the bathroom and back again. Thank goodness for ice packs and ibprofen, or my head may have actually exploded. I tried to be nice to people, but this is all that came out:

I have decided that it is very likely that I have a brain tumor.  There is no other explanation for that level of pain.

So, it has been really nice knowing you all. Please say nice things about me at my funeral. And whatever you do, do not play that awful "Go rest high on that mountain" song. I fucking hate that song.

I am funny and smart and beautiful.....

... and there isn't one good reason I am not the perfect woman for you. 

Except that I am obviously not funny and smart and beautiful enough. Awesome. Yay for me.  

Screw you guys. I am taking my "I really like you" sign and my "Lets makeout" pillow and I am going home.

Oh yeah.... and one more thing!:

Monday, April 11, 2011

Nothing says "Happy Monday" like a GIANT fetus

I am soooooooooo(ooooooooo) tired of the creepy old man outside of the women's clinic on Victor, and his ginormous fetus poster.  Can we all at least agree that 7:45am is too early to be assaulted with that kind of visual?? For the love of baby Jesus, at least let me have my coffee first! I end up at work first thing on a Monday morning feeling..... gross. 

This morning creepy old man was joined by some folks holding a sign that said something to the effect that I should be praying for the people who work at the clinic and the people who go there and the "Victims", which I can only assume means the giant fetus in the poster. But what if I don't want to? See.... I don't think that the clinic is all bad.  Now hear me out before you send your mob with fiery torches.....

1) Not EVERYONE who goes to that clinic is going there to get an abortion.  I think that there are probably two places in Redding where you can get free birth control, and that clinic is one of them.  Not everyone has insurance, and not everyone can afford the pill. So there is a very good chance that the girl that you are giving the stink eye to is probably only going in there so she can get some birth control so that she can avoid getting pregnant and therefore not need to consider an abortion. Once upon a time I did not have insurance and had to go to the dreaded clinic for my annual exams and the pill.  Those places are miserable enough without the judgment parade waiting on the corner to greet you. Which brings me to my next point....

2) I am a pretty confident and strong person. So it was always easy enough for me to walk past the old creepy man, and the guy who sang songs about abortion while playing his guitar, with a "Fuck Off!" attitude. However, not all girls are like me.  If I were a timid young teenager I would run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. The opposite direction being directly onto an unprotected penis. Well maybe not as literal as that, but you know what I mean. 

3) If a girl is actually going there to get an abortion, standing outside with your giant nasty fetus poster and saying a prayer for her is not likely to change her mind. You may convince her to turn away out of embarrassment, but she will find somewhere else, or worse than that, a long flight of stairs to fall down. 

So maybe, angry protestor, your time would be better spent writing to your government representative of choice and trying to convince them, as many before you have tried, that abortion is wrong.  Until a time comes when it is actually illegal and punishable to have an abortion, please spare me the joy of your giant fetus poster. You are, sadly, not effecting any change, you are just grossing people out. Thanks!!

P.s. The creepy old man always makes me think of this guy:

The dreaded friend zone....

Yep, I am pretty sure that is where I live now.

I suppose it's alright. I mean.... you can't have too many friends, right? NO, that's not true. I have PLENTY of male friends. 

The mountain of mixed signals that I have been getting lately is enough to give me a complex. Just when I think that there is probably nothing there, and I should just give up, something happens that convinces me otherwise. Maybe I am just not waving my "Hey! I really like you!" flag quite high enough. I find it hard to believe that is the case, because I am pretty straight forward. I say what I want. I have flirted shamelessly. But some guys are totally oblivious. Maybe I need to smack him in the face with a "Will you please make out with me already?!?!" 

 Yeah.... maybe I will try that.


Friday, April 8, 2011

B word. With a capital B.

I can be kind of a meanie. Not an awesome blue meanie, like this one:
But more like a tell-you-exactly-what-I-think-and-I-am-sorry-if-it-hurts-your-feelings meanie.
The thing is.... I don't really do it on purpose. I definitely don't do it with the intent of hurting feelings.  Unless of course you are being a douchebag to me. Then I mean it. But 99% of the time, I am not on a secret magical quest to make my friends cry and convince total strangers that I am a giant asshole. So when I say something insensitive or hurtful, even if I was just trying to joke around, I do genuinely feel bad about it. 

Things you may not know about Becky: 
1) She has a GIANT mushy marshmallow heart. However, it is guarded like a maximum security prison. So it is easier to pretend that she just doesn't give a shit about anything as opposed to showing that she cares and then being made to regret it by nasty, hurtful people.
2)  She would do absolutely ANYTHING for a friend or someone she cares about. Well, she won't pick lice out of your hair, or clean your toilet.... but I think you get the idea. Definitely someone you can count on in a pinch.
3)  She secretly likes children. Not loud, run amok children, or children who want to rub boogers on her.... but generally speaking kids are alright by her. Especially her nieces and nephews, and spirit nieces and nephews and her friends children.  She doesn't want her own, and people can't wrap their brain around that unless they can qualify it by the fact that she must hate them. She plays along, pretends to bake kids in pies and eat them for breakfast.... but really, they are alright.   And maybe someday...... she might actually meet a guy who changes her mind about the whole not wanting a baby thing. Stranger things have happened.
4) She is honest to a fault. Can be brutally honest. But she will never tell you anything, truth or otherwise, simply to hurt you. She does not get joy out of making others unhappy, contrary to popular belief.
5) she also really likes macaroni and cheese.

We all know what a self fulfilling prophecy is, right?  Just in case you don't:

"The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the original false conception come 'true'"

Sometimes, when you say that something or someone is a certain way for long enough, it just becomes more and more true. Like it's a joke among my friends that I am the "Bitch". I originally became the proud owner of that title because I am the one who will tell it like it is, and will say what I feel even if it is not the popular or acceptable opinion to have. I don't feel like I am doing anyone a service by blowing smoke up their ass. I am that girl that my friends come to when they want an honest opinion. They know they will get it from me, and that I won't just tell them what they want to hear. And when I have had this title for as long as I have, it is almost hard to NOT be a bitch about some stuff. I play it up because that is my role.  I feel like it is expected of me even. I have become the bitch.  And I am alright with that, for the most part. I prefer to think of myself as honest, empowered and outspoken, but I realize that most people can't tell the difference :p

What I am not alright with is my friends thinking that I don't care about their feelings, or that I somehow strive to and enjoy making them feel like less than what they are... beautiful, intelligent, amazing women. 

It has come to my attention that saying it like it is can be too much for delicate natured people. Feelings get hurt. But what I find the most baffling is that no seems to think that my feelings are able to be hurt. It has taken me a long time to get to this point in my life. I rarely let things get to me. I pride myself on being able to, for the most part, let things roll off my back. Those things include, but are not limited to, being called a bitch whether you are teasing me or not, being made fun of for how much I "despise" children and what an awful parent I would be, and being teased about "getting around" because I have been on a few dates lately.  See, I know that it is all in fun, I know that my friends don't honestly believe that any of those things are true about me, it's just how we play around. But since I know that to be true, it would be nice if the same willingness to take a joke was extended to me on occasion instead of always having to feel bad for thinking that I can play around with my friends they same way they do with me. I swear I am not a total heartless monster! I am only a little bit heartless monster... Look at me, being a sad Eeyore and losing sleep because my friends think I am mean :(  This is not like me.
Well I have blah blah blah'd on for long enough. Here are some funny things I found when I googled "Bitch":

You can hate me the one day out of 100 that I wake up feeling beautiful for in fact, being beautiful. But the good news is that you can hate me for being an asshole every day :D

 It's true.... I do love leaves.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

A lunch time treat

Its been days since I have treated you guys to some RDJ greatness. So here you go! You're welcome ;)

P.s. I need to have a nooner with this guy like right now. I have a feeling it would make my Thursday that much better. He would probably like it too. I mean, how could he not? You can't fight the fairy dust, my friends.....

Definitely not feeling bungtastic today.....

I have a cold. Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I had a hard time falling asleep last night for two reasons. The first being that every time I tried to lay on my back, my whole face would start throbbing and I would immediately be unable to breathe out of my nose. So I spent the better part of the night flopping from one side to the other trying to get comfortable. Colds are no fun for sleeping.  The second reason being because I have waaaaaay to much shit on my brain. Basically, my brain flipped me the bird and said "YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!"

Important thing on brain #1- Friends who awkwardly air their dirty laundry right in front of you while attempting to have a lighthearted get together. There is a time and a place for disagreements.... that place is not at your friends house in front of an almost stranger. Uncomfortable. No amount of wine or cookies or pizza was going to save that evening. *Sigh*

Important thing on brain #2- Totally feel like I am spinning my wheels.  I hate that feeling.  I thought about maybe saying something, or coming right out and asking some questions, but then I would talk myself out of it. But maybe now that I have had some caffeine and breakfast I can attempt to form intelligent sentences that accurately express how I feel. Maybe. 

Important thing on brain #3- Why won't the dishwasher dry the effing dishes!!!??? I just want nice shiny clean dishes. Not dishes with weird abstract art water marks on them.  There is heat in there, and it takes forever to run. There is no reason good enough for these ugly dishes. I might have to use some intimidation tactics on the dishwasher. 

Important thing on brain #4- Don't feed the whores. At least not after midnight, cause then they multiply. Don't even get me started on what happens if you should accidentally get them wet.....

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I totally dig being a Capricorn

 My horoscope today:

 "It's all about pushing boundaries today: Be the first person to bring up a taboo topic, and watch how everyone reacts. Chances are, they're not afraid to talk about it. You're able to trigger some interesting responses and get a long conversation going. This skill you have for inspiring others to talk may overlap into other areas of your life as well. Whether you share your tips on a hot new spot in town or post a review of your favorite restaurant, get your controversial opinions out there" 

Ok, I'll do it.... Who wants to talk about anal sex?  Anyone? Anyone?...... 

"For couples in love".... hahahahahahahaha-ha!  I don't think I know what bungtastic is supposed to feel like, is it good?

Oh man, that was awkward...

Sooooooo.... a background investigator contacted me a couple weeks ago regarding my ex husband. They are doing a background check as part of the hiring process for the fire dept. Why they need to talk to me, I will never know. The first time he called and left a message I didn't even bother to call back. It's  not really my job anymore to help my ex husband with anything, especially getting a job.  And I have better things to do. But after about 3 phone calls and a message saying that he "really needs to speak with me", I finally decided to return the call.  He was pleasant enough and asked a bunch of really boring questions. How is he with conflict resolution? How does he handle his finances? What are his drinking habits? Blah blah blah.... to which I basically had the same response to every question, "well since I have not seen him since 2006, I wouldn't really have any idea.  But when we were married he was always willing to work through arguments, he drank socially, and he had a job and paid his bills. I can't really speculate at all on how he is now".  And that was the end of that. Or so I thought....

Today I got another phone call from the background investigator with another message indicating that he REALLY needed to speak with me. Since I am bored at work, and have nothing really preventing me from calling back, I decided to be nice about it and help the guy out. I called him back and he said that something had come up in talking to other people regarding my ex husband that caused him some concern. He then proceeded to ask me if I thought that my ex had a drinking problem. I responded with a very enthusiastic "No!". I informed the man that while my ex and I were together he only ever drank socially and I would have never described his habits as having a dependency on alcohol. He then asked me something that made me feel a little sick to my stomach..... "Is it possible that he took the divorce very hard and began drinking more heavily?". My response was "Ummmmm..... sure I suppose that is possible, but I wouldn't really know that". Even though thinking back on it now, I do recall hearing something sorta kinda like that....

Ick!!!!!  I don't want to know that my ex had or has a drinking problem. And I sure as hell don't want to know that I might be partially responsible for said drinking problem. I dislike this feeling.  The good news is that I don't think I personally said anything to the investigator that could harm the chances of my ex getting the job. I even closed the call with "He would be a really great Fire Fighter for your department. He's a hard worker and he loves what he does". That'll help, right?  

Ex husband, if you are reading this, I did the best I could!