Tiiiiiiiiiiired of this job and sneaky liars who I would rather swallow razor blades than work with......
It may be time to start looking around and seeing what is out there. I have a feeling that there is a job out there where I can utilize my various talents and be appreciated. These talents include, but are not limited to:
*I am a master of the multi-line phone system.
*I know all the lines in the movie "So I Married an Axe Murderer".
*I file like a mother fucker.
*I have an office plant that I have managed to not kill for over 3 years now!
Actual plant. Doesn't it look happy?
*I am really good at making telemarketers/solicitors cry.
*I am VERY organized. My OCD will not allow me to be otherwise.
*I know the difference between your and you're. Also their, there, and they're. I also use them correctly in correspondence.
*I am really good at conflict resolution. Mostly because I am always right. And you are wrong. I win.
*I play well with others and I know how to share.
There are more things, probably more important things, like my managerial skills and professional demeanor (which clearly does not translate well to my blog) that I should mention.... but pshhhhh, that is what resumes are for.
So let me know if any of you cool cats know of anyone looking to hire a super cool person (me) to dramatically improve the awesome level of your workplace.
That, my friends, is self-promotion.
Awesome like a hot dog!